CANBERRA: WHAT I LEARNT

Canberra; one rockin’ place.  Oh yeah.

I could have shot a gun up the main street, it was that quiet.  I can only assume that’s because all the blood sucking leaches- I mean – all of the respectable politicians that sacrifice their lives to mould and shape our country, were on holidays. 

The place was quiet, but that was not a bad thing, really.  Made the tourist attractions easier to handle.  No crowds to have to punch your way through; it was good.

However, albeit quiet, I did learn many a great lesson whilst in our National’s Capital, and although I have already shared some of my experiences with you, there are a few more lessons I heave learned.  They are in no particular order.

OVERGROWN

The dudes from the council that mow the public parks, lawns, nature and median strips, must have been on holidays or something, because everything was overgrown.  I was quite shocked to see this, as I expected our nation’s capital to be immaculate.  (The Castle was the exception to this.  Their lawns were magnificent).

The day before we were to leave, we spied a couple of council boys on their big-arse mowers, herbing around the parks.  ‘Obviously back from holidays?’ I shouted out the car window, but they didn’t hear me. 

Those boys had a lot of catching up to do….

GPS

A Global Positioning System (GPS) is fantastic if it’s up to date.  That is all.

LAYOUT

Obviously, the person who designed Canberra, was either a tortured artist, or wanted to fuck with everyone’s heads, because I swear to you; that place is like a maze.  However, after four days of driving in circles (literally), we finally figured it out.  That’s also using the GPS, by the way.

NO PINEAPPLE

Can you believe, the only Subway Restaurant (if you would call Subway a restaurant, though I wouldn’t, because they have no fucken toilets) was about a kilometre away from our hotel, in a little district called Manuka? WOOHOO!

However, let me ask you this: what kind of Subway does not have pineapple?  No pineapple!  How am I supposed to have my awesome Steak & Cheese on Italian Herb & Cheese bread with Southwest Sauce, without pineapple!  It’s a crime, I say to you!  A crime!

What would Jarrod do?

TOILETS (of course I would haven’t mention them)

The public toilets I encountered (please see previous blog) were of an acceptable standard, and I would expect nothing less of our great nations capital.

Speaking of toilets, there is one clear thing I have learnt about them: generally, the older the toilet, the better quality the toilet paper is.  This is not common for all old toilets, but for the majority of them.  The older toilets don’t have the cylindrical dispensers mounted on the wall with the rice paper in it.  They have good, old fashioned toilet rolls, which are generally of a good quality. 

WIDE OPEN SPACES

I was astonished at how wide the streets were.  Well, in the areas we ventured into, anyway.  Two and three lanes wide; in some areas four, and that’s in one direction.  They often had massive medians that were at least two or three lanes wide, with massive trees, or just lawn (which were overgrown).  Clean, clear, spacious streets with minimal traffic.  Quite a contrast to Melbourne’s confinement and congestion.

THERE ARE TREES IN FORREST

A smart arse friend of mine (and I honestly can’t remember who it was), said to me ‘So you’re staying in Forrest?  Just know that there are no trees in Forrest.’  Looking back, I don’t know what the fuck my friend was on about, because Forrest was exactly as its name suggested.  In fact, I found all of the areas of Canberra I ventured into, to be quite leafy.  Twas lovely.

CANBERRA HAS FERALS, TOO (although I think they were from Victoria)

I think it was Tuesday morning, and I was on the internet in the reception area of the Forrest Hotel, checking my Facebook (God I was missing my phone). 

Two women burst into reception area to check in, and they were feral.  You know the type; loud, obnoxious, bleach-blonde hair, tattoos and skin tight clothing showing off more bulges than a pull apart bun and dirty feet in thongs, with toenails that are painted all pretty in a desperate attempt to  beautify a lost cause.

‘Dear God,’ I thought to myself. ‘Please don’t let them be in a room near us…’  Sure enough, five doors down in room 70, there they were.  Great.  They would sit outside their room, on the communal balcony floor, sucking in ciggie after ciggie, talking loudly on their phones, and telling their feral children, who were running everywhere, screaming at the tops of their voices, to ‘shut the fuck up!’  Clarsy.

TRY-HARDS

Canberra has posh try-hards too.  I thought it was a Melbourne/Sydney thing, but apparently, I am wrong.  I think that’s because we were staying in a posh area, because the restaurant district up the road from the hotel (that contained Subway, yeah) had a lot of boutique shops that were very beautiful and very pricy. 

The posh try-hards were walking around the streets in their fancy clothes, with their perfect hair and designer sunglasses and shoes, dragging their bratty, immaculate children along with them as they wandered through the boutiques and dined in the restaurants. 

I felt common when I parked my i30 amongst the BMW’s, VW, Mercedes, Saabs and Porches.

I would rather the try-hards staying in room 70 though, because at least they would be quiet.  Or at least noisy in a classy way…

TAXIS

Canberra taxis are white.  White.  How conservatively boring.  Victoria’s bright yellow taxi’s are like a beacon of transport.  These white taxi’s just blended in with the boringness of Canberra. 

In fact, nearly every car with an ACT plate on it was either white or silver.  All the colourful ones were from interstate.  Go figure.

FRIENDLY

Everyone in Canberra, is mega friendly.  From the receptionist at the Forrest Hotel where we stayed, to the person that greeted you at the War Memorial, to the security people at Parliament House.  Even the stroppy check out chick at Coles was friendly.  It was really nice.  Canberra is a friendly place.

FOOD

The restaurants (excluding Subway and Macca’s of course) were reasonably priced.  Well, the ones we went into were, anyway. 

In particular, the Lemon Grass Thai restaurant in Canberra City was fantastic.  Beautiful food and quick service.  Charlie and I had a great feed for about $50.  Yay for us.

MACCAS

Next to Subway in Manuka, was a McDonalds restaurant.  Yes, we had lunch their after our visit to the National Gallery.  And so did the ferals from room 70, I might add. 

McDonalds Manuka is stuck in the 1990’s.  Seriously.

We’re quite spoilt down here in Melbourne, because we have gorgeous, modern Macca’s restaurants and McCafe’s, with beautiful tiles, dining tables and open, spacious communal eating areas (which I hate, by the way).

McDonald Manuka must have missed the ‘You Need To Update Your Store’ memo from head office, because it was old skool.  Clean and awesome service, but old and dated.

I actually walked in, and said to Charlie ‘I feel like I’m at McDonalds at the Denpasar International Airport,’ because the McDonalds there was so outdated, it didn’t even have a Quarter Pounder on the menu.

Thankfully, Macca’s Manuka, although having dated décor, had everything else that we Victorian’s were accustomed to.

Although I loved Canberra and what I experienced in my short time there, I think the nations capital should have remained in Melbourne.  Melbourne is way awesome-er.  More restaurants, more shopping centres, more night life, more entertainment, more things to see and do (although Canberra does have heaps of things to do), and much more of a ‘buzz’ about it.

Plus the footy.

Though, I am bias…

Peace out.