ALONG THE ROAD TO GUNDAGAI

There's a track winding back to an old fashioned shack, along the road to Gundagai...

Well fuck that. 

The track off the Hume to Gundagai had about a hundred cars lined up waiting at the service centre for fuel.  Then, when we finally found a car park (by going into the service centre via the exit), the food court was so busy, that I said to Charlie: 'It would be fucken quicker driving the rest of the way to Canberra to get something to eat.  Fuck this.'

So, the Buttlers didn't stop at the 'dog on the tuckerbox' and do the traditional touristy thing, because the queues were out of control.

Yes my friends; our road trip to Canberra had begun.

We left Tooborac at Sunday lunchtime, and toodled our way into Benalla, where we were meeting my cousin Frog.  Now, this time last year, Froggy had lap band surgury done (she won't mind me telling you this), and if it hadn't been for her familiar ute, I would not have recognised her.  She looked a million dollars, and a shit load skinnier!  Gorgeous!  I nearly humped her in the street.  I am only human, after all...

So we followed her out of town at to the home she shares with my Cousin, Mick (Mick is actually my cousin, and Frog is his Mrs), in Upper Lurg. 

Upper Lurg.  Awesome name.

We had a great night of talking shit, drinking (my mineral water - zzzz I know), eating food and catching up.  It was great!

When it came time to crash, our bed was in the lounge on a blow up matress.  Now, I'll sleep anywhere on anything, as long as I can plug in my cpap machine, and I could see that a blow up matress was going to provide some entertainment.

So, I lay down on this thing first, and when Charlie collapses onto it, I near go flying off the mattress, and into the fucken windows!  This is a fair effort, considering Char is like half my size.

Partway through the night, I needed to pee, so I get up, and of course, this fucken mattress bounces everywhere.  In true Buttler fashion, Charlie has a winge about it, and in true Mrs Buttler fashion, I jump up and down on it, making him go flying off the mattress, and onto the floor. 

I casually waltzed off to the toilet with a string of profanities following me. 

So the next morning, we were off early (too early, cos I'm still fucken sleepy), and on the road to Canberra.

Now, I elected to drive, because putting Charlie behind the wheel of my car is like putting a virgin in the hands of a rapist.  It's not pleasant, and I freak out a lot.  So, me driving is the safest option.  At this stage of the trip, anyway.

About thirty minutes into the drive, I'm already bored, and Charlie turns to me: 'Are we there yet?' this resulted in a punch in the leg and a 'Don't start with that shit...' from me.  Stoopid boys.

We stopped at Holbrook along the way, and the only reason we chose there, is because Charlie saw a big arse submarine (and submarine musuem) in the park.  Any war shit, and he's all over it.  The fact that he screamed 'submarine!' and grabbed the steering wheel to pull us over, kind of influenced us stopping, too.

So the Buttlers wandered around the museum, had a little break, and learnt the very interesting history of how the township of Holbrook got it's name, and how the decomissioned Otway Submaring came to rest there.  Yeah.

On the road again, and we are getting a little peckish, so we decide that we'll stop at Gundagai for some fuel for the car and ourselves. 

Big mistake.

Every other fucker in the Southern Hemisphere had clearly thought the same thing, as well.

We pull off the highway, and the entrance to the service centre is banked back to the fucken highway! I couldn't believe it!  I've never seen anything like it!

Being typical Buttlers, we have the patience of fleas when it comes to things like this, so we decide to move on, and fill up at the next town.

Jugiong.  That's where we stopped for fuels.  Nice little town with nothing in it but a couple of pubs and a roadhouse.  Good feed, filled up, and hit the road again.

By 4pm, we rolled into the exciting township of Canberra.

As we're driving through the town, I said to Charlie 'I feel like i've driven into the set of I Am Legend.'  The place was deserted!  There was like no traffic, and only the odd person walking around!  Where the hell was everybody?

We assumed because parliament was out, that anyone connected with the government in any way, shape or form, was on holidays somewhere, because jebus; this place was  ghost town.

We found the hotel (Forrest Hotel in Forrest), which was very nice.  Apart from the fact that we purchased this accommodation through Wotif.com through a fire sale, I chose the hotel simply because it was named after my cat.  That's a good way to choose a hotel, isn't it?  I mean Mum considered her stupid cat when buying her unit, surely I can do the same when I'm choosing a hotel?

So after we settle into the hotel, we decide to explore our surroundings. 

We wandered further into the town of Forrest, and found a little shopping district.  Charlie and I decided that we must be staying in a posh suburb, because they had nice restaurants, beautiful houses and expensive stores (Carla Zampati, Provincale, to name a few).  Clearly catering for the tofffy politicians...

We did notice, however, that a lot of the lawns, nature strips and public grassed areas were not mowed.  In fact, they were quite overgrown.  This surprised us, because we expected Australia's Capital to be immaculate for some reason.

An elderly couple were standing chatting at their front gate as we drove past, and I may have yelled 'mow your lawns!' through the open window...

In our infinate wisdom, we decided to go into Coles and grab some supplies.  This is when I was pretty convinced that armageddon was around the corner, and we'd missed the news report. 

When we got into the supermarket, there was like no fresh food in there!  Over half of the fruit and veg section was empty, and I reckon I was lucky to get the last loaf of bread!  I couldn't believe it!  How am I supposed to start my day without a fucken banana, I ask you?

Then I had the genious idea of going through the self serve section of the checkouts, which resulted in my screaming at the register, because every time I scanned something, it asked for assistance, and I had to wait for the chick to come over and help me.  In the end, she was getting shitty with me, and I wanted to punch her in the nuts.

I still don't know why there was no fruit and veg...

So we find some funky asian restaurant for dinner and had a nice feed.  Returned to the hotel, and crashed for the night.  Charlie watched some crap movie on telly and I got my head stuck into my book (Matthew Reilly - Area 7).

Charlie started to make a move on me, and I'm like 'Fuck off.  I'm on holiday's, and it's not your birthday'.

Tomorrow will be our day trip to the Australian War Memorial (we found it on our exploration last night).  The Buttler's are totes looking forward to seeing that.

Stay well peeps, and I'll keep you posted on our Canberra adventures.

Peace out.