CANBERRA: THE CASTLE

How could you go to Canberra, and not do the lame tourist thing, and visit Parliament House?

We did, and it was awesome.

Spewing Parliament wasn’t in session though, because I would have loved to see Big Jules and Big Tony in action.  How dorky am I?

However, you know I love my politics, and making fun of it, so a visit to Canberra would be incomplete if we didn’t visit The Castle.

The first thing I notice is the grandeur of the place.  Let’s not do anything by halves here, people.  Let’s built something ridiculously oversized and oppressing, to cater to the size of the ego’s contained within its walls.

The tour guide (yes, we joined another tour) informed us that all of the entrances to the building are on the same level, so that no single person can enter at a height greater than another.  In other words, all the wealthy politicians enter the building at the same level as the peasants. 

Bet it still has an entrance for the help, though.

The forecourt of the building contains a stunning mosaic in the fashion of indigenous dot art, with multiple circles and rings.  A circle in indigenous art represents a meeting place, and the more rings, the more important the meeting place.

This lovely work was surrounded by water, which represents Australia being an island (or something like that).

Then we move through the massive entrance, through security (Charlie normally sets off security at the airport, but thankfully, he decided to leave his guns at home today) and into the cavernous marble foyer.

I felt like I’d been dropped into the middle of Italy! Marble floors, massive marble staircases and beautiful marble pillars that were so high and so frequent, that I suddenly felt like I was in an Egyptian temple.

Apparently, the foyer was acknowledging our European forefathers, and contained marble from all over Europe.  It was really quite stunning.

So, beginning with our indigenous heritage (if you would call the partial decimation of a race ‘heritage’) in the forecourt, through our European foundations in the foyer, and deeper into the building, our modern achievements, The Castle was nothing short of impressive.

In the Great Hall, there were timbers from all over the world, but the most stunning feature was a massive tapestry of an Arthur Boyd painting that hung over the rear doors of the hall.  Done specifically for Parliament House (I believe), it was nothing short of breathtaking.  Being someone that does tapestries and cross stitches herself, I could appreciate the work involved here.  Apparently, it took two years for weavers to create. 

I couldn’t believe it, and couldn’t get close enough to look at it.  If it hadn’t been for federal cops and security standing around, I would have jumped the ropes and got my face about an inch away from it so I could see the detail.  Instead, I just stood there ogling at it like a window licker for about half an hour.

Charlie-Albert and I were lead into the Lower House of Parliament, and saw where Big Jules and Big Tony sat and argued the politics of the day.  Where the 150 people that the millions of us elected to represent us, create the policies that affect our way of life.

In the grand scale of The Castle, in the grand scale of our country, this chamber was quite small.  Here, amongst the 150 pretty green seats, our lives are shaped.

Such an important place suddenly seemed so small.

We went into the Upper House, where I wondered which chairs Senator’s Bob Brown and Sarah Hansen-Young sat in so I could plant a bomb under them.  Funnily enough, we weren’t allowed down there.  No fun.

After the tour concluded, Charlie and I took the lift to the roof, and were blown away by the scale of everything.  Standing on top of The Castle, we could easily see all of Canberra, and most spectacularly, straight up the memorial avenue to the beautiful Australian War Memorial.

Apparently, if the doors under the tapestry in the Great Hall are opened, and all of the doors in the proceeding corridors are opened, Big Jules can sit in her office at the back of The Castle, look up the corridor, and see the Memorial.  Lucky bitch.

Charlie and I wandered around some more (I was amazed at how much freedom we had, although we clearly couldn’t access the politicians’ offices of course) and found a wall that contained the names and photos of all sitting members of parliament.

As we were standing there, a couple came up, and they were arguing about something.

‘You’ll find her under South Australia…’ said the woman.

‘No, Melbourne.’ Said the man.

‘South Australia.’ Insisted the woman.

‘Melbourne.’

‘South Australia…’

I turned to them.  ‘Julia Gillard?’ I asked, and the woman nodded.  ‘The electorate she represents is in Victoria,’ I said, pointing to the board, where a very flattering photo of Big Jules was displayed.  ‘However, she was South Australian born and bred.’

‘I told you she was in Melbourne.’ The husband said cockily.

‘Yeah, but she was originally from South Australia…’ replied the wife.

‘Yes,’ I said.  ‘I’m from Victoria, and I’m really disappointed at our level of border security.  Some of the things they let into our state…’ I smiled, and slowly walked away.  Charlie laughed.

We found a gallery that contained beautiful portraits of our Prime Ministers past.  Big Jules wasn’t there, as she’s still a current PM.  K-Rudd’s wasn’t there either, but apparently that’s because he hasn’t sat for his portrait as yet.  Maybe that’s because he’s to busy jetting around the globe to insignificant places like Kazakhstan, that he doesn’t have time to do trivial things like sit for a portrait that reminds everyone of his horrendous reign.

So, as The Buttler’s adventures at The Castle came to a close, I bought a magnet for my fridge, and Charlie bought some collector coins from the Parliament Shop.  I wonder where the funds for that go.  Possibly pay for the nice toilet paper in the public facilities.

Charlie said to me that he was so pleased we came today, and I realised that he may have been taking a bullet for me, because I was the one that really wanted to visit The Castle.

We had a good time, mainly because we’re a pair of dorks that appreciate history and formality, I think.  Though, it’s nice to see the place where policy is made, and our country is moulded.

Feels like I’m actually a part of it.

Peace out.