GREAT FARSE

Am I the only persona that finds it amusing that Great Britain have barely won any medals?

GB has hyped these games up for years, telling anyone with a pair of ears that they will completely dominate.

And why wouldn’t they?  It’s their home ground, after all.  They’ve sunk billions of dollars into their stadiums, cities, arenas, and athletes; all in the pursuit of gold medals.

What a dismal failure it has been.

I could say the same about the Australian Olympic Team too, as they ain’t faring that well either.  However, we’re still ahead of GB on the medal ladder, so that’s all that counts.

From the moment London won the games, GB have gone about stealing our athletes, our coaches and support staff across a variety of sports, in a desperate attempt to win.  One of their driving motivations was simply to ‘beat Australia’. 

That’s it.  Let’s beat Australia.

I can understand that.  We’re pretty awesome.  Though, it would appear that it doesn’t take much to beat us anyway.  Just ask any athlete in just about any other sport; we’re struggling.

However, this entire medal situation (or should I say ‘no’ medal situation) for GB has been an absolute disaster.  After the first day of competing, where they only scored one medal (a silver in cycling, I think), the Team GB had a crisis meeting to discuss what the fuck was going wrong.

It’s simple; you suck.

You can get the best coaches in the world, the best support staff in the world and you can implement the best programs and build the best facilities in the world, but at the end of the day, if you don’t have the talent, you’ve got nothing.

What’s even funnier, is that one of their countries most successful comedians has created a character from Kazakhstan, a country that no one had ever heard of, which was portrayed as a trashy, backward, third world dump; is whipping their arses. 

Yep; Kazakhstan has more medals than GB.  How the fuck did that happen?

Sasha Baron Cohen couldn’t have scripted it better himself.

Fucken clowns.

Alicia Cootes has won more medals that GB.  On her own. LOL!

When I heard they were pinching all of our good people, two things went through my mind.  One: why aren’t we paying these people more to keep them? Two: fuck you GB.  I hope we spank your whinging, lily-white arses.

Well, at least someone in pommy land has a sense of humour, though.  The front cover of ‘The Sun’ has a gold medal plastered across it, with ‘wanted’ as their headline!  Wanted: gold medals!

Hilarious!

Bet the ‘powers that be’ at the GB Olympic Team headquarters aren’t laughing though.  Bet they choked on their tea and scones when they saw that front page this morning.

And have your heard the commentary?  Jesus.  You get a pommy on the commentary team, and it’s all ‘Great Britain are doing a fantastic job!’ ‘Look at Great Britain! Brilliant!’  Yeah!

I seriously sit there wondering if I’m watching the same shit they are, because I’m not seeing GB looking brilliant.

They’re like coming last, and they’re doing a fantastic job.  They fucked up the diving and belly flopped like a kid doing a bomb into the back yard pool on a summer’s day.  Brilliant.  *rolls eyes*

I was watching the equestrian stuff the other night (not an Olympic sport, by the way), and a German chick came out for her last round in the team event.  The pommy commentator was like ‘Let’s hope she doesn’t repeat last year’s performance on this horse, where she knocked down every jump on the course.  That would be disastrous for Germany…’ I could almost hear her praying that would happen.  ‘If she knocks over one rail, Germany will lose gold, and GB, who is only four penalty points behind, will claim it.’

She was nearly clapping her hands together with glee as the Germany pony knocked over a rail.  Then, when the German trots out of the arena when she’s finished, she’s mobbed by team mates and coaches and stuff, looking all excited and happy!  I’m like WTF? 

Then the pommy commentator says something like ‘they’ve tallied the scores, and Germany has retained the Gold; Great Britain the silver….’ And I’m like WTF?  How wrong did you get that, you stupid bitch?  Seriously?  What kind of commentator are you?  Pffft.

Stupid poms. 

At least Zara Phillips got a medal.  I love Zara, but yet again, I love’s me my Royals.

So far for me, the most entertaining thing about the Olympics, is reading how GB have been failing, and watching them slowly slide down the medal ladder.  That’s truly been the highlight of my Olympics so far.

I’m on Kasakhstan.  Go Team K!

As for the pommy’s; give us our ashes back, and fuck off.  All except Zara, of course.  Much love for Zara.

Peace out.