MASTERCHEF?

I fucken love this show.

I really fucken love it.

Yes, I’m a competent cook, and I can bake like a mo fo, but compared to the contestants on this show, I’m a window licker.  Seriously.

If you gave me a ‘mystery box’ full of flour, milk, sugar, eggs, lemons, butter and some other crap, I know I could successfully give you scrambled eggs. Ask me to make a pudding without a recipe… anything without a recipe for that matter… I’m screwed.

That’s why I am amazed by some of these cooks.  Not only would I crumple under the pressure, but my mind would go completely blank, and I’d be standing there with my thumb up my arse, looking for the nearest window to lick. 

I have a few recipes tumbling around in my head that I could make from scratch, but how far lemon chicken, beef parmies and French toast would get me... I don't know.  Considering one of the contestants got arsed on French toast, I think that says it all for my chances...

And sometimes, they cook such fancy shit.  Like, George and Gary are known for their fancy shit, particularly George.  I’ve eaten in his restaurant, The Press Club, and it was delicious fancy shit, but fancy shit just the same.

Ordinary people, like me, don’t eat fancy shit on a regular basis.  What’s the point of being a Masterchef if all you cook is fancy shit and no one wants to eat it?  I don’t understand….

Except Julie Goodwin, the first Australian Masterchef.  She released an awesome cookbook, which is one of my favourites, that is basic, delicious ‘home’ cooking.  She was smart, because her cook book is not fancy shit; it’s normal shit that normal people can eat every day.  Every household should have that book in it…

You know what else I don’t understand? If they love food so much, why don’t they just go to TAFE and like do a course?  I have a couple of cousins that have done that, and are qualified chefs now, and they have great jobs.  Why the fuck wouldn’t you do that?  Couldn’t you fulfil your ‘cooking dream’ *insert sarcasm* by doing that?

Oh, I know.  It’s about the prize money, isn’t it?  It’s about winning $100,000.00 and a book deal. It’s about being an ‘Australian Masterchef’... it’s about travelling and doing these weird arse challenges all over the world… it’s about meeting all of these awesome, famous chefs that I’ve never heard of… it’s about having the experience of your life…  

I think it might be less stressful to do a TAFE course just quietly…

Peace out.