I THINK I NEED A BURQA...

So, I’m chatting to my friend Cath the other day, and I’m trying to explain my desperation to wear a burqa.

Apart from the fact that I can be completely anonymous beneath those humbling folds of cotton, apart from the fact that I can drive my car like it’s stolen, and when I’m pulled over by the cops, I can call them racist when they want me to remove it, apart from the fact that I can subject myself to racial vilification, I can hide my skin.

Please, let me explain.

You see, I’ve been having facials at the same place, every month, for like the past two years.  I loved my facials.  I loved them with all of my heart.  The beautician was fantastic, and the product was great (Dermalogica). 

Now, if you bear with my digressing for a moment, I feel at this point I need to clarify something.

My skin has a mind of its own.  It’s completely unreliable and unpredictable, and displays no consideration for my desperate need to have skin like a supermodel.  I do like to blame my hormonally and metabolically imbalanced body for this (well… I have to blame something?)

However, over the past two years, since starting my Dermalogica facials, I have been winning back control of my skin.  Shame about the body. 

Anyway, in conjunction with my facials, I have been using… dare I say it, for fear of ridicule… Pro Active. 

I know.  ‘Pro Active’.  *sigh*  No, I don’t want to look Katie Perry, Avril Lavigne or Justin Beiber.  Though, in saying that, Justin Bieber is very pretty, and has lovely skin…The product works for me, and with the monthly facials, my skin was finally under control.  Yay The Beiber!

However, that all changed about six months ago.  What a sad, dark day it was when I discovered that my beautician had left the salon, and they hadn’t found a replacement.  I was lost! What was my beloved epidermis going to do?

And this went on for months. 

And my epidermis did not appreciate it, at all.  I was becoming desperate…

So I remembered a day spa in Bendigo that I drove past on the highway, and thought I’d give them a try.  Bendigo I hear you say? Well, it was somewhat closer to home and as such, a little more convenient. 

And what an eye opener.  I’ve never been to a ‘spa’ before *insert posh voice*, and this place was absolutely fantastic! Talk about ‘where have you been all my life’?  It was just gorgeous!  I so lavished in soaking up the luxurious atmosphere whilst I enjoyed my complimentary foot soak and peppermint tea.  Then after my treatment, in the ‘relaxation area’, I would enjoy my chilled water and raspberry shortbread biccy.  I felt somewhat special, and not in a window licking way, either.

This beautiful day spa used a product different to Dermalogica, so feeling like a rebel, I decided it was time for a change.  So I ditched The Beiber, and got me some new product.  I was off and running.

Three months later, my face resembled that of a hormonal teenager.  It was terrible! I felt like I was in high school again! I couldn’t believe it! I was like OMG! I can’t go out in public looking like this! OMG! Thank god I work in a small office, and I’m on my own most of the time and the boys are upstairs with their heads up their butts and don’t notice me! OMG! If someone comes into the office, in fact, if I come into contact with ANYONE in the southern hemisphere, I shall just turn my head a little to the right, to hide that side of my face (the worst), and I’ll ensure that I wear my hair down every day to hide it as well! 

I contemplated a balaclava.  However, knowing my luck, I would get arrested when I walked into the bank near work.  Although, it is Sunshine, and a balaclava in Sunshine is commonplace…. In fact, I possibly look out of place there with no balaclava on, and this would cause more people to stare at me and see my horrendous skin!! AAHHH!!!!

I actually went to a meeting in the office, positioned myself in the corner, so I could turn my head to the right and hide my face.  It was under fluro lights! What else could I do?  I even pulled my scarf up higher around my neck to hide my face a little, and prayed they wouldn’t notice. 

Now again, I need to digress to explain something here.  I do not, for a moment, blame the day spa for this.  Their service was fabulous and their staff fantastic.  I just feel that the product was simply not right for me.  Clearly. Or should I say, blemishly…

So, with desperation taking hold, I made three decisions. 

Number one: find a beautician the deals in Dermologica.  Done. 

Number two: bring back the Beiber.  Done. 

Number Three: get on eBay and see if I can find a burqa to tide me over.  Still working on this….

Now, after a week, my skin is getting back to normal, thanks to The Beiber, and I’m wondering how long it will take for my ebay purchase to come from the Middle East…. 

Blemishy peace out.