AGEING GRACE

Whether our experiences are good or bad in life, there is a lesson in everything.  A gift of knowledge, you may say.

Some people grab these gifts and use them.  Some do not. 

For example, my teenage step daughter, after 10 years of living with me, still doesn’t understand that getting her dirty clothes into the laundry BEFORE washing day, ensures that they are washed.  No matter now many ‘experiences’ she has with this one, she ain’t learning. 

It could be a teenage thing, or it could be that she’s just a dumbarse.  I not sure, but I’m tippin’ it’s a combination of both.  Either way, she ain’t grabbing these ‘gifts of knowledge’ and running with them.

Having to deal with a lot of this real estate stuff for Mum over the past couple of months, has handed me a lot of gifts of knowledge.  And some of them are quite startling, and I would like to share some of them with you.

How Things Change

I remember my mother when she was younger.  She was really active and what you would call a ‘go getter’.  She was rarely idle.  If she wasn’t running around after me, working or cooking, she was volunteering for the CWA, gardening or making crafts (she can knit like a mo fo).

Age has slowed her down somewhat, but she’s as active as she can be.  If she’s not volunteering for the CWA, gardening or cooking, she will be sitting in front of the telly, ‘watching’ it, whilst knitting something.  If she’s not knitting (very rare) she’ll be doing her crosswords and word puzzles.  She loves them.  She keeps her mind and her hands as active as possible.

She still does a lot, but it’s like she’s in slow motion.  I guess that’s aging for you.

What has this taught me: patience.  To move at a slower pace; you’ll still get there in the end.

Not Too Much At Once

Although Mum is very intelligent, I have found I cannot throw too much at her at once.  If you and I were having a discussion, we could possibly bandy around twenty different ideas, and still be on top of them all.

Not the case with Mum.  I find if I hit her with too much, she gets easily confused, or has an ‘information overload’.  She never use to be like this… perhaps it’s an aging thing.

However, this has taught me many things.  The patience to slow down and take things one step at a time; forward planning so that she’s not overloaded all at once, and understanding what stuff needs to be dealt with now, and what can seriously wait for later.

Fear

I think a lot of her reactions and decisions are driven by fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of technology, fear of not understanding, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of being lost, fear of forgetting something important, fear of missing out, fear of being out of her comfort zone, fear of something happening to the stupid cat, fear of strangers, fear of letting people down, fear of being an inconvenience, fear of idiots on the road, fear of being lonely.  Fear of dying.  Fear of missing everybody when she’s gone.

It’s everywhere in everything she does… it’s like an unspoken thing… an uninvited visitor… it’s just there.  In the back ground. 

What I’ve learnt from this: constant reassurance is the key.  Thinking ahead of all the possible outcomes, narrowing it down to the positives, and presenting her with those.  Providing a constant comfort.  Am I wrapping her in cotton wool by doing this?  Possibly.  However, at 74 years of age, don’t you think she deserves it?

Constant surprises

Just when I think that she’s off her game, Mum will come out and slam me. 

You see, she’ll sit back and process something for a while; toss it around in her mind, and then she’ll go KABAM! This usually revolves around financial matters, which I won’t go into here, but she’s on it, and comes up with some fantastic ideas that even surprise me.

And I shouldn’t be surprised, because she is an intelligent woman.  Credit where it’s due.

Lesson here: don’t underestimate anyone.  They will constantly surprise you.

Respect

Having an oldie for a parent has opened my eyes to how disrespectful some people are toward our aging population.

When I was younger, I didn’t give a crap about oldies, and even know, I get cranky when they’re driving at 80kms her hour in a 110km zone. 

However, when you see their health decline, their abilities fade, their limitations increase, and their fears rise… your attitude changes pretty quickly.  Though… I cannot expect the ignorance and arrogance of youth to understand that.

I will, without a hesitation, punch anyone in the head that offends or upsets my mother.  You don’t be disrespectin’ Iris. 

Lesson here: respect your elders.  Understand where they have come from, what their experiences are, and what they’ve gone through to give you and me the life we have now.  Respect and acknowledge.

Who’s Going To Look After Me When I Get Older?

As I do things for my mother, I wonder what would happen to her if I wasn’t here.  I’m her only child; what would happen to her if I go?  Who will look after her?  I know Charlie will.   He loves Iris as much as I do… he is only human after all.

This, however, raised a question in me though, and I suppose… it’s something I do fear.  Who will look after me when I’m old and frail?  I don’t have any children of my own.  Given the chance, Jade will be out of here like a dog shot in the arse, starting her own life… responsibilities for a step-mother far from a priority on her list.

Who will look after me when I get older?  If Charlie goes, I have no one.  That thought alone makes me sad.  I think of all the oldies in this position now; good people that have no one, and wonder if I’m set for that same course.  Will everything I’ve gone through in my life result in nothing?

I personally do not fear death.  I have faced it a few times, and have won out.  Thankfully.  However, I know it will come for one final time, and I just pray when it does, it takes me quickly.  I just wonder where I’ll be when it happens.  Will I have someone to care for me, like Iris does, or will I be alone?

A great mystery that only God can answer, I think.

Bit deep for a Monday, hey?

Lesson learnt here: get over yourself.

I suppose what I have learnt the most is that I admire my Mum.  I admire her inner strength and easy going nature.  She can over come anything put in front of her, and she will do it with good spirits.  She accepts her lot in life, and she rolls with it.   She never complains (except about the idiots that park across her driveway), and is always appreciative of what she has.

I admire her strength and her kindness.  I admire her vulnerability.  She is full of love and caring, which she doles out by the shovel load.  Even on the stupid cat.

Her body is failing her.  Her hip makes it hard for her to walk.  Her legs don’t last as long as they use to, and she has to sit down a lot when we’re shopping.  Her hands shake a lot more, but that doesn’t stop her doing her puzzles and crafts.  She get’s tired a lot, and has about 50 nanna naps a day, and almost as many cups of tea.

She’s a lady of such refined grace, but of such good humour and fun.  I think I’m terribly fortunate to have her in my life.  I’m lucky to have a mother such as Iris.