WON'T THE REAL DELTA PLEASE STAND UP?

I will warn you before you read any further: you may find some of what I’ve written in this blog offensive.  I will not apologise for that.  

I posted a quote the other week saying that ‘people who declare ‘their offended’ are just telling the world that they’re not capable of handling their emotions, and expect everyone else to do it for them’.

Don’t be offended; it is what it is; my honest opinion.

I once, quite controversially, declared that Delta has only achieved the fame she has, because she had cancer.

It’s a publicists dream when their ‘talent’ does one of three things.  One: has a ‘famous’ romance.  Two: gets into some kind of legal trouble (the worse the better).  Three: develops a serious illness.

It garners so much attention on the ‘talent’ that all the money in the world couldn’t by.  That’s what happened to Delta when she became sick, and that’s why there is a soft spot for her in our hearts.  She’s a battler, and every Aussie loves a battler.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I’m not making light of her being unwell. What happened to her was terrible; no question.  However, there are thousands of people out there that go through this battle every day, and unlike Delta, it generally hasn’t helped their careers.

I am particularly annoyed at Delta, because she was ill and having treatment at the same time I was, although she was at a different hospital.  The staff that treated me, like some nursing and specialists in various medical fields, worked between different hospitals, and had the pleasure of treating young Delta.

The stories they told me were not too nice.  The words ‘demanding’, ‘impatient’, ‘inconsiderate’, ‘spoilt’ and ‘rude’, peppered their conversations about her.  Young Delta was not leaving these hardworking ladies with a positive impression.

It also pissed me off because I would think about her behaviour toward the medical staff and other patients whilst I was getting a cup of tea for the old bloke in the wheelchair, strapped to an oxygen tank, and his wife, who was simply knackered from the massive effort involved in caring for her beloved.

I suppose it’s something that only a victim, for want of a better word, of cancer can understand.  There are no priorities; everyone waits their turn.  You conduct yourself in the best, most respectful manner you can, and treat the people looking after you with courtesy.  They’re human too.

Hearing the stories I did created a dislike for young Delta in my heart.

However, in saying that, I think she has the voice of an angel, and I could happily listen to her sing all day.  I have both of her albums, and respect her talent.

She just shits me.  The sugary sweet person we have all come to know and love is not the person she is in real life, and I find the hypocrisy hard to swallow.

I think it just pushes my personal buttons because of the experience we inadvertently shared.

So, when I watch The Voice, I have to smile to myself.  Watching Delta’s ‘performance’ is fascinating.

If you will allow me to digress for a moment.  Where the hell has this talent show been?  What a fucken rippa! 

You know, the likes of Australian Idol and X Factor unearth some great talent, but seem to pump out the same stereotypical crap that we’ve been seeing for years: people that fit the mould, and can be manufactured and churned out of the money-making machine as quickly as possible.  These ‘artists’ usually battle to survive, and often fade away into insignificance in the end.

However, shows like Australia’s Got Talent, and now The Voice, are giving people that don’t fit the mould the chance to shine, and it’s fucking amazing.

And I’ve got to wonder where all of these people have been?  Clearly, some narrow minded fat-cat in an office that towers over reality, overlooks these people because he can’t push them into that stereotypical mould.  They’re not attractive enough, marketable enough, catering to the right generation… so the list goes on.  Forget that they can sing; the fat-cats can’t do anything with them, and don’t want to.

Now these ‘rejects’ have a chance to really show us who they are, and that’s just the thing: we’re getting to see this amazing talent now!  We’re the one’s benefiting here!  It’s wonderful!

I don’t know what’s more fascinating, though: the talent or the judges?  For me, it’s like the talent is the side show, and the judges are the main attraction.  I just love it!

And that’s when I laugh at little Delta; how out of her league is she?  Let’s just have a look at what we’re dealing with here.

Seal.  I remember when he released Crazy back in the 1990’s (yep: that’s how old I am).  I flogged his album Seal like a dead horse, mate.  I loved it, and I still do.  Then, he just disappeared.  What I didn’t realise, that in the last twenty years, he’s released eleven albums, and one four Grammy’s!  WTF?  Where have I been?

I find him magnetic.  I fucken love Seal.  The dude is hot.  And when you talk about fitting the mould, Seal is the last person you would consider.  The dude is like a big, black giant with yellow fingernails and shoes, and is butt ugly.  Sorry, but the dude ain’t pretty. 

However, you can’t help but love him.  He just seems so…real.

Then there’s young Joel Madden.  How gorgeous is he?  And I don’t mean looks: he just seems like a lovely person.  He and his brother Benji have done it hard.  They’ve had a hard start to their lives, and worked hard to ‘make it’.  I have quite a few of their albums, and although they’re like ACDC (pump out the same sounding shit all the time, but you still love it), they’re clearly talented. 

Again, they don’t fit the mould.  They ain’t pretty, they’ve more tatts that a tattoo parlour and I get dizzy from Joel’s continual hair colour changes, but they have that special something that everyone loves, and Joel is absolutely shining in his role as mentor.  He’s absolutely embraced it.

Then there’s Mr Kidman… I mean, Keith Urban.  My friends will kill me for saying that, because they’ve been banging on about the beautiful Keith for years. 

Personally, I’ve never seen anything in him.  I don’t understand the fascination with him, but I’m not into country music either.  However, the other day, I found myself surfing channels on Foxtel, and I stumbled across the country music channel.  I thought I was going to kill myself for a moment, but then I realised that a Keith Urban film clip was on.  I can’t tell you the name of the song, but after watching it for just a couple of minutes, I was hooked.

I sat there thinking ‘okay.  I get it now.  I get it…’ and decided that when I have some spare cash, I would download his entire back catalogue.  I think he has something like eight albums and three Grammys to his name.   Best pull my head out of my arse, simply out of respect I think.

So, here we have three internationally famous artists with years and years of experience and commercial success.  These people, although unassuming, are serious players in the music industry.

Then there’s Delta.

Lovely, beautiful Delta, in flowing dresses and seemingly endless tresses of beautiful, shining blonde hair. 

Beautiful Delta, who in eight years, has produced two albums, and achieved fame… in Australia.  She’s been trying to crack the American market for like the last five years, and I think most of Britain hates her because they labelled her a home wrecker due of her relationship with Brian McFadden.

There is no doubt that she’s talented, but compared to the others… she just seems like the odd one out.

Why the fuck didn’t they get someone like Kylie Minogue in there?  She’s been banging around the traps for about a thousand years, had pumped out over ten albums, is huge in Europe and Asia, and has at least managed to crack the American market.

But no; they got Delta, and I have to laugh.  Her performances are perfect, if not…contrived.  She cries on cue, laughs on cue, bats her pretty lashes on cue, gives the doe eyed look on cue and knows her best angles.  She also seems to have one eye on the contestant and one on the camera.

This ‘mother earth’ demeanour that she’s projecting is laughable, because it all unravels when she has to make a decision, and aimlessly looks around at the other judges for their opinions before she dares project her own.

Pffff.  Fake fake fake.  I’ve discussed that very thing with my friends on Facebook.  What the fuck is she doing?  Fake fake fake.

I almost feel sorry for the people on her team.  Sure, if I want advice on false eyelashes, hair extensions, hair stylists, fashion stylists, beauticians, make up artists and my best angle, I think I will go to her. 

If I want someone to help me with my career; Keith, Joel and Seal are my men. 

At least her new single Sitting On Top Of The World (which I have downloaded, because I love), will get a good run, and her new album will give the charts a good showing.

Shame this show will possibly harm her career more than help it, because people are seeing right through the performance.  It’s like she has to project this image… this product… because some fat-cat somewhere is telling her that’s what we want.

I wonder if this is just a performance, or if this is the real Delta?

Won’t the real Delta please stand up?

Peace out.