GROWING UP

It’s funny how people change.

I feel old saying this (maybe I am), but it’s amazing to see someone transform into an adult, particularly when you wondered if they would ever make it.

Thus is the story of my cousin, Matt.

I wondered if he would ever make it.  When he was going through his teen years, he was a prick of a kid.  He made mistake after mistake, got into trouble with the police, hung out with the wrong crowd, made all the wrong choices, and his life was heading down the toilet.

This devastated me, because I thought he was such a beautiful kid.

Sure, I’m bias; he’s my cousin! But… I could see beneath all of that… bullshit.  Though all of the tough ‘gangsta’ crap he was rolling, I could see the beautiful person inside.

I just wondered what it would take for him to grow up.

When he was in his teens, he came to work with Charlie.  He lived with us for three months, and worked (if you’d call it that) for Charlie.  It was a disaster.  Being a boiler maker just wasn’t for Matt, and he walked away from it all.

If he’d stuck to it, he could have gained so much.  Much more than just a qualification.  However, he wasn’t in the right ‘space’ for that, and his life took him down another path.

Job after job, career opportunity after opportunity; all went by the wayside as this boy struggled to become a man.

And still, I waited.  Waited for this boy to grow up.  Waited; wondering what he would be like when he eventually did.

You know… you hear reports on the telly about someone being shot or killed (don’t stress – that hasn’t happened to Matt), or getting caught up in crimes and the like, and the family are on there saying ‘he’s such a beautiful person.  I can’t understand this… he’s such a beautiful person..’

Well… I get that.  I look at Matt, and for all his dumbarse decisions and faults; I see the beautiful person he is.  The beautiful person that rushed over to my car on Saturday night, bypassed me, and went around to the passenger side of the car to help Auntie Iris out of the car.  It was dark, and he was worried she would fall.

An arsehole wouldn’t think like that. 

However, Matt’s not an arsehole.  He’s beautiful.

I’d lost contact with him over the last several months.  He disappeared off Facebook, and because I didn’t have his number, I lost contact.  That happens.  No one’s fault. 

When he reappeared on Facebook a few months ago, he told me that he was going to be a father in July. 

I nearly fucken died. 

A father?  You’re like 22 man? WTF?  Aren’t you a bit young, I thought?  Fuck me.

So, when I was contacted by his Auntie Marg to help get some addresses and contacts for people so Matt and his brother could organise a surprise 50^th for their mother, I realised then that this would be an opportunity to talk to Matt, face to face, and ask what the fuck was going on.

At the party, I was in the kitchen (where all the cool stuff happens) chatting to his Auntie Marg.  ‘So what’s the go with Matt?  Is he happy about this baby coming along?’ I asked.  I’d only just met his partner about ten minutes earlier, and was astonished at how young she was, and how old I felt.

Isn’t that a sign of getting old?  Everyone else is starting to look really young? *sigh*

‘Well,’ Marg said.  ‘He doesn’t say much about it.  We try to get information out of him, but he just tells us that he’s fine.’

‘Oh, ok.’

‘Lee, if he’s going to talk to anyone, it’s gonna be you.  He idolises you mate.  Go and have a chat to him.’

A little later on, Matt and I find ourselves in the kitchen (again, where all the good stuff happens), and start chatting.  I’m as blunt as a box of hammers, and ask him straight up how he’s going.

Over the course of the next however long we chatted for, I realised that the dumbarse teenager that use to live with me was gone.  There, in front of me, was a man.  A man that was worried about money.  He was worried about providing for his family, and getting a house.  He was worried because he’d spent thousands on baby stuff, and that had chewed into his savings for a deposit.

There was also a man who greatly regretted his past actions, particularly those around Charlie.  Poor kid could barely look me in the eye when he said he wasn’t happy about the things he’d done in his past.

I made this man look at me, and I said ‘Matt; it’s the things we’ve done in the past that makes us who we are today.  These are the lessons we learn from.  However, it’s what we do with those lessons that define us. 

Don’t be ashamed of what you’ve done; you’re human mate.  Just learn from it.  Look back in acknowledgement, and move forward with an understanding.  This new family is a new chance; an opportunity to start again.’

It took a bit of convincing, but I think I got through.  I hope I got through, because a life lived in shame is a waste.

It would have been different, I think, if he was still a dumbarse wanker that thought he was the shit.  He’s looking back on those years with different eyes, and although he cannot change the past, he can accept it, learn from it, and mould a different future.

I was proud of Matt that night; he’d finally grown up into the man I knew he would become.  Hopefully, he keeps growing.

Peace out.