LASAGNETTE

WTF is lasagnette?

Have you ever heard of it?  I haven’t. 

However, I’m not a Masterchef, am I? 

Hang on… neither are Gary, George or Matt, and they didn’t know it either!

So how was the big, cuddly Canadian Kevin supposed to know?  ‘Any lasagne I’ve ever bought looks like that.’

You know what?  In his defence, I have bought lasagne sheets that look similar to that.  They are like normal, flat sheets with frills along the edge.  So, he wasn’t far off the mark for mine.

However, Big Kev, who was my favourite from the start, made an absolutely monumental blunder in last night’s elimination.

The first round was a simple ‘name that pasta’ game that we’ve all seen before.  I think in seasons past, it was like fungi, fish, and various ingredients of a cake that people have to guess.  All stupid competitions to me, because the contestants should be judged on their ability to cook, not whether they know what risoni, fusilli and fucken lasagnette is.

Anyway, the first one in the line-up was to pick a pasta, name it, and move to the end of the line.  Whoever guessed incorrectly had to step to the side.  The first six that guessed wrong (and stepped to the side) went into the next round of elimination.

Now, let me ask you this; if your future in the Masterchef Kitchen was at risk, if you getting your guess wrong pushed you through to the next elimination round, wouldn’t you pick a pasta you definitely knew?

Why the fuck did he pick lasagnette? 

There was spaghetti, fettuchini, vermicelli, risoni, fusilli, gnocchi and lasagne on the table that nearly every dumbarse out there would have recognised. Why would you pick one that’s not so obvious? 

Maybe he didn’t recognise any of them, accept the lasagnette?  Which he got wrong.  Wtf?

So not only did he fall on his own sword, he took the five people behind him with him into the next elimination round.  Then because he couldn’t make fettucini from scratch in time, he was through to the final round with Jules. 

At least he knew what fucken fettucini looked like.  What didn’t he pick that from the fucken table in the first round?  Dumbarse.

So, even though his final dish of a ricotta and egg yolk ravioli in burnt butter sauce was the prettiest, it didn’t taste as good as the ‘flying saucer’ that Jules produced, and he was in the back seat of the big black car.

I’m shattered.  I loved his cooking.  The first one to win an apron was the first one to go home. 

We’re not even a full week in yet, and I’m already starting to see some interesting character traits come out in people.

A few of them are quietly working away in the background; doing what they need to do to get through.  But there are a couple of stand outs that are worthy of note.

Firstly, there is Kath: she freaks me out.  I don’t know what to make of her, but her intensity and forced smile and big eyes scare the living crap out of me.  She’s possibly a really nice lady, but she still freaks me out.

Then, there’s the resident crier.  Emma.  She’s my ‘Dani’ for this season, because she is just giving me the fucken shits already.  Even Iris said last night that ‘her constant crying is driving me to distraction!  She cries at everything! She’s a pain in the butt!’  Enough said.

PS: get rid of the stupid fucken beanie. 

Then there’s Alice, whose ridiculously overside glasses make me want to smash things.  Seriously; does that much glass help you?  I can achieve the same things with an inch of glass strapped across my face.  You look fucken ridiculous, and you will not win this competition, simply based on the fact that you look like a fool, and no one takes you seriously.

Then there’s Amina.  I like Amina.  She’s a lovely personality and I think she’d have an amazing palette for food and balance of flavour, simply because of her amazing heritage.  OMG… I’m salivating thinking of the audition dish she cooked.  Mmm….

Interesting that I seem to have got most of my stereotypes back this year.  The token cute Asian (TK), the older contestant (Debra), the mumsy type (Lydia), the young dumbarse (Matt), the Indian (Dalvinder), the spunky young ones (Mindy, Ben, Alice, Andy, Beau, Kylie), the easy going hippy type (Tregan), the funky glasses wearer (Alice) and the token gay (Kevin).  No surfie dude this year, for what I can see.

Though, Beau is my hot construction worker, which is awesome.  In fact, I could nearly form the Village People out of this lot, I reckon. 

Anyway; master class tonight, which is my favourite part of the week.  Even I learn shit watching it.

Wonder what next week will bring, and who will be going home.  I hope it’s the crier, the freak or the ‘stupid glasses’ girl.

What do you think?

Peace out.