BLACK & BLUE

So, I’ve had a few people ask me what’s going on, so I thought I would explain it in a little more detail.

Bonus of having a blog.

So, Iris has a black eye.

The other morning, whilst tucked away nice and warm in her bed, she was awoken by the stupid cat being sick. Stupid cat is long haired, and every now and then hacks up a fur ball. 

Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard cats do that, but the sound is loud and revolting, and it succeeded in pulling Iris from her comfortable slumber.

Mum panicked.  Two thoughts crossed her mind.  One: I don’t want the cat being sick on my cream carpet.  Two: if she’s sick on the tiles in the bathroom, when I walk through to the toilet in the middle of the night, I could slip on it and fall. 

Both valid fears, but certainly avoidable.

I’ve said to Mum a million times, if you hear the cat spew, crap, break something or fall, it can wait until the morning.  Unless the cat starts crying, which is a sign the stupid fleabag has hurt itself, then turn over and go back to sleep. 

I’ve expressed that, in her anxiety to attention to the stupid cat, I’m frightened she’ll hurt herself if she get’s up in a hurry in the middle of the night, and that’s exactly what she did.

So, she’s heard the stupid cat, flown out of bed, raced through her bedroom door and BANG! Slammed into the doorframe.

Thankfully, she had her head down slightly, like she was looking at the floor, because she hit her brow first, and not the eye itself.  She split her brown, and knocked herself back a little bit with the shock of it all.

I have visions of the poor darling sitting on the edge of her bed, head in hands, bleeding and crying at four in the morning, alone and scared, with the stupid cat at her feet watching her, wondering what the hell was wrong.

Stupid cat. 

When I saw her the next day, it took everything not to burst into tears.  Her eye was purple and puffy, and she had a cut on her brow.  She also said that she had a bruise on her boob and on her knee.  Clearly, she’d hit the doorframe mid-stride with her entire body, not just her head.

Thankfully, she’s had no headaches or soreness in her eye.  It wasn’t even bloodshot. 

The next night, when we were having dinner, she said that she was a little embarrassed to go out with her eye like this.  I suggested a little bit of make up, and her glasses hid it a little, too.

I also suggested that if anyone queries it, to tell them Charlie did it.  She laughed.  Charlie’s so the favourite.

So, Captain Smart Arse (Charlie) pipes up and says ‘What do you call a woman with two black eyes?  A slow learner’.

Mum found that hysterical.

I didn’t.  Fucken clown.

So, Iris is on the mend now.  The bruise has nearly faded, which is fantastic, and now she has a little night light in her bathroom to help her see.

AND, hopefully she won’t worry about that stupid cat through the night anymore.

Peace out.