WEEK 8 SYL CHALLENGE: HAPPINESS DEFINED

So, this week’s challenge is about understanding our happiness.

I find it funny that some of these challenges seem to come along at a coincidental time.  Not that I believe in coincidence: everything happens for a reason.  However, there have been instances where things are going on in my life that align with these challenges, and this is one such instance.

Defining happiness.  What makes me happy?  Can I control what makes me happy?  Am I the creator of my own ‘happiness’?

Or is ‘my happy’ about avoiding ‘sad’?

Or, am I just over thinking it? J

I think I’m a similar to Deb, the creator of this 52 week challenge, in that, to understand what makes me happy, I need to define what makes me sad.  Does that make sense?

Let me give you an example.

For the last six months, I’ve been planning a sausage sizzle at Bunning’s in Craigieburn for my CWA branch.

My girlfriend Carmel and I have only been members of this branch for about 18 months; we’re pups in the CWA scene!  Most of the other members are 70 plus in age, and their ideas are steeped in traditions and habits; not that there’s anything wrong with that.

However, with new members comes the suggestion of change, and such is the case for Carmel and I, and the Tooby CWA.

We suggested doing a sausage sizzle at Bunning’s in an attempt to raise more funds.  The more funds we raise, the more we can pump into our local community.  The other members of the branch were incredibly supportive, and very trusting in letting us do this.

Due to their age, the majority of the members are restricted as to what they could do, which Carmel and I perfectly understand.  We would never put forward something so massive (in our branch’s eyes, anyway) if we weren’t prepared to do the hard yards ourselves.  As such, the majority of the work fell back on Carmel and I.

Six months of planning and research went into this venture.  Seems strange, doesn’t it?  It’s only a sausage sizzle, after all.  However, with two friends that do them on a regular basis, raising well over $1000 each time, we felt that their guidance and advice would be invaluable to us.

Every time I went to a Bunning’s store, I would go on a stakeout.  I would buy a snag, stand near the stall, and eat it (and make Charlie do the same!), whilst all the time watching what the stall operators would do.  It was very easy to learn what was effective and efficient, and what wasn’t.

Seems like overkill, for sure, but there was a lot riding on Carmel’s and my shoulders.  We had asked the ladies of the CWA to step outside of their comfort zone, and completely trust us with this venture.  If it failed, not only would we have let ourselves down, but these beautiful ladies as well.  Their faith in us would surely be tested.

On a personal level, I’ve been so excited about this venture for months.  We had all of the boxes ticked, and were ready to rock and roll.  The thought of failure never entered my mind.  Never.

Until two days before the event. 

On Friday, I posted a status on my Facebook, asking anyone if they were in the area, to call in and have a snag to support the event. Simple enough post, to which I really didn’t expect much of a result, but you never know.

That’s when my positive resolve was completely shattered. 

A family member posted that it a Bunning’s BBQ was a complete waste of time.  She had done it in conjunction with a footy club, and had raised a pittance.  She simply felt it was a complete waste of time.

I was devastated.  

I read her comments, and simply exploded in tears! I was so upset! I couldn’t believe I’d just received such a massive kick in the guts to a request for charitable support!  All the confidence I had built up over the past months, all of the anxiety curbing reassurances had just flown out the window.

This shit happens to me all the time!  Correction: I allow this shit to happen to me all the time!  I permit myself to be happy; to build up confidence and be excited about something, and the universe conspires to burst my bubble!!  FUCK!!!

Now, this family member would have had no idea of the impact of her words.  None at all.  I have no doubt that in her own mind, she was trying to help me.  However, her words were like a wrecking ball.

I had a mild anxiety attack, and even after the reassurance of my understanding friends, I was very unsettled on the day of trade.

However, my nerves were abated as the day simply became busier and busier.  I spent the entire day cooking snags and onions, and throwing them at bits of bread that Carmel held out to me. 

It was a roaring success that netted quite a substantial amount for the CWA.  What a difference we will be able to make with that money.

I reflect on it now, and I can’t believe what I’ve allowed to happen.  Someone else’s negative view on a situation has completely influenced me, to a point where, not only has it had a physical and emotional effect on me, but a mental one too.  It changed my outlook on everything.

And I do this shit time and time again.  Yes: a recurring pattern.

I learnt so much from the experience, but most importantly, that one person’s negative experience isn’t a clear indication of reality.  What happens to you won’t necessarily happen to me.

What I also learnt, was that some people are just plain negative.  They seem to have these… glasses on, that have ‘negative’ lenses in them, and all they see in the world is negativity.

My husband is very much like this.  He has a negative outlook on life, which is strange for someone that’s also very positive.  Quite contradictory, actually, but that’s what he’s like.  One minute, he can be surprisingly thoughtful, and the next; very harsh and judgemental, and often unnecessarily so.

Mmmm… negativity.  Wha specifically brings me down? What is it that I allow to let in, that makes me sad:

·         Peoples constant negative outlook

·         Their lack of appreciation for what they have, and winging about what they do not

·         Unnecessary judgement

·         Forceful opinions and views

·         Forever criticising

·         Their inability to be happy about someone else’s successes and rewards

·         An unacknowledged need to spoil someone’s happiness

·         Lack of support

These are the things that tie themselves around my heart like an anchor, and drag me under; back into the depths of depression.

That’s what happened to me a couple of days ago when I read that status comment; I was under so quickly, that it shocked even me.  My emotional reaction was astonishing.

I suppose this harkens back to another one of my challenges, in that I have to focus on not taking things personally.  Like I said before; just because it failed for someone else, doesn’t mean that will be my story.  We’re all different.

Perhaps it’s another indication that I have to separate myself from other people’s comments and issues, and remember that it’s their journey, and not to take it personally.  They can wear their negative glasses; I’ll be fine without them.

In saying that, I’m a firm believer in what you send out, you receive back threefold.  This year I have tried really hard to focus on pushing out as much real positive energy as I possibly can, because I believe I will receive it back in return.

How can that be a bad thing? 

However, there are always people that come into your life, and influence it in a negative way, no matter what you do.  They chip away at the armour of happiness you wear, just because they can neither relate to it nor stand it.  They don’t even know that they have to burst your bubble; it’s an unconscious thing.

When I stop and think about it; I have a lot of these types of people in my life really…

So, one key to my happiness is not letting any of these negative flags drag me down.  Don’t take things personally.  Don’t let that negativity seep in, because where it takes me, is not a place I wish to go again.  Ever.

The other thing I’ve learnt recently is that one of the things that makes me extremely happy, is cooking.  More specifically; cooking for others.

I’ve known this for a long time, but I’ve really felt it hit home over recent months.

I loved spending the day behind the BBQ on Sunday, with my snags and onions, churning out some yummy food for people to enjoy.  Forget that we were fundraising; I was having a great time!  So did everyone that came along to help, too.  It was a great day!

I think if you’re enjoying yourself and having a good time, people pick up on it.  Maybe the positivity we were pushing out came back to us through the cash tin? *shrugs* Who knows?

Throughout last week, I’d also partaken in a Group Conference for CWA, where I was responsible for catering and running the kitchen.  All of the ladies produced some wonderful food, and I produced some of the best shit I had ever cooked in my life.  It looked beautiful, and went down a treat, and we all had so much fun doing it.  Again, the positive energy we generated was returned to us through appreciation from our guests.  That was a great reward.  They will all be keen to come to our function again, which in turn means we will have the opportunity to raise more funds.

This week’s experiences just reaffirmed for me that the direction in which I wish to take my life in, is the right one. 

I’ve just got to focus long term, and make it happen. 

I’ve got to focus, and not take things personally. 

I’ve got to focus, and control the impact of negativity, by not letting it in.

I’ve got to focus, and secure and expand my happiness.

There are many other things that contribute to my happiness, but this blog will go on forever if I start rambling about them.  You basically get the drift by what I’ve written so far.

Life is full of experiences and lessons; we ALL need to take the positive from everything and learn from it.

Peace out.