WEEK 6: SYL CHALLENGE: GOALS & PRIORITIES

As week six of this challenge starts, I must note that I’m impressed with myself for lasting this long. 

I thought this tree-hugging, self-assessment, self-improvement, ‘love yourself’ shit would do my head in.  However, I do like that stuff, and the only think that would really stop me persisting with the challenge, was laziness.

So, another thing I have learnt from this challenge: I’m not as lazy as I thought I was! LOL!

So, this week’s challenge: to collate the information from the previous challenges, and construct some goals and priorities.

I think the main focus from where to obtain my goals, comes from the Wheel of Life challenge in week four.  So, if I look at the ‘wheel’, I can see that my priorities need to be:

• Personal Development
• Money
• Health/Fitness
• Home Life
• Don't Take It Personally

These are clearly the areas of my life that need improvement.  So the challenge here, is to work out which items are the most important, and need immediate focus, and how to start implementing change to work toward improving these things.

mmmm…

Well, let’s look at Health/Fitness for a moment.  I believe I’ve already started making headway on this one, because I have thrown myself back into the gym, and built up regularity in attending.  I’ve been walking at night, or gardening a little more as well.  I have also changed my diet (always a fun challenge being lactose intolerant AND diabetic), and seem to have found quite a good balance there.

So, in summary, I think I have Health/Fitness under control at the moment. 

Home life.  Well, like Health/Fitness, I have made a few changes on the home front with a view to long term happiness.  Quite simply; I have changed my attitude and behaviour toward Jade. 

During the last twelve months, my patience has been pushed to the limits with her, and I’ve no tolerance anymore for her selfishness and stupidity.  I was short tempered, impatient and distrustful of a person I felt was simply using me.  If anything, I had become quite resentful toward her.

Jade made a major decision late last year, in that she is going to move to Queensland to live with her mother at the end of this year.  This is disappointing, but not totally unwelcome, because the poor kid will never be happy if she doesn’t try it.

She’s always dreamed of life up there, and wondered what it would be like.  She travels there in the school holidays, has a great time, and I can understand that the freedom she’s granted by her mother would be more attractive than the only life she’s ever known down here.

However, freedom often has a price, and I hope she’s prepared for the consequences of her choice.  And believe me; there will be consequences.

So, her planned departure has broken a lot of tension in the house, and has also caused a shift in my thinking.  Whilst she was away over the recent school holidays, I had a really good think and reassessment of myself and my behaviour.

I can understand why I behaved the way I did, because I’ve simply copped ten years of crap and abuse from her, and enough was enough.  However, this year is her last year, and I just need to really start to let go. 

This also leads me into the ‘don’t take it personally’ issue that needs to be addressed as well.

You see, if I can encourage myself and work on ‘letting go’, not only will it improve our home life, but it will teach me not to take things so personally.

Why? Because this is not about me; its’ about Jade.  It’s about her personal decisions and choices: her choices to not cooperate, to steal from me, to lie to me, to use Charlie and I for money, and to simply operate to her own end; and her decision to leave.  It all comes back to her, and the rest is simply my reaction to it.

I can’t control her choices, but I can control my reactions, and THAT is what I’m working on.  My behaviour.

By not taking things so personally, by not allowing her problems to become mine, I will be able to handle the situations I’m presented with better, and as a result, improve the balance in our home.

Big task, but one that I believe is also under control at the moment, although still in its infancy.  Of course, this will be tested on a regular, if not daily, basis, as Jade seems to get some kind of sad pleasure out of pushing peoples buttons.  Mmm… should be an interesting year on that front.

So, that leaves us with Money and Personal Development.

Money.  The one thing that I think a majority of us would have an issue with.  What’s your relationship with money like?  Mine’s become good.

It never used to be.  Always living hand-to-mouth; pay week to pay week, with nothing behind me.  Easy come, easy go as people say.

However, I’m a firm believer that money will come to you when you need it, if you don’t make ‘money’ a priority.  Sounds strange, doesn’t it?  Someone once said to me that money is an energy source that constantly flows.  Change the signal, and it will flow your way.

For a few years now, I have been working on my relationship with money.  Again, sounds strange, right?  A relationship with money?  Sure.  We do have a relationship with money; it’s just that most of us don’t realise it.

Most of our money relationships are negative.  Always wishing we had more.  Always dreaming of winning lotto, and what life would be like if we did.  Always thinking that these mountains of bills are a curse and never ending.  Always thinking that work is a pain in the arse, and we’d rather do anything other than what we’re doing now.

Negative.  Negative.  Negative.  Typical human nature; always grasping the negative. 

This reflects back on the very first challenge of this 52 week ride; reflect on the good things that happen, and don’t’ let the negative dominate.  Hard to do that sometimes, particularly when the reality of life gets in the way.

However, I felt that I needed to change the way I looked at money, and the way I felt about it.  I needed to change my relationship with money, and to do that, I needed to change my thought patterns.  I needed to change ‘the signal’.

Instead of letting the negative thoughts about money dominate my mind, I needed to start focusing on the issues a little differently.  For example; instead of cursing the universe every time I received a bill in the mail, I decided to be thankful for receiving that bill.

Thankful?  Yeah.  Right now you’re thinking I’ve totally lost the plot, right?  Not entirely :D

You see, I decided to be thankful that I received the telephone bill, because some bastard out there was clearly game enough to give me credit.  They were allowing me to use the service before I paid for it; no questions asked.

I enjoyed using the service before paying for it, and because I had the means to pay for it when I received the bill, I was suddenly thankful for being gainfully employed, because it gave me the means to fund my lifestyle.

Suddenly, I was thankful for my employment.  Sure, it may not be a dream job, but it’s enjoyable and exactly what it’s meant to be: and exchange of services for money.  I work; I receive money.  In this economic climate, I am thankful for that.

Then, that made me think about my home and the things I have.  I’m lucky to have what I do; I’m very fortunate.  There are people out there that don’t have a newish car, or even a roof over their heads.  They can’t afford their bills and they’re doing it really hard.  I may not be wealthy, but I’m very thankful and appreciative for what I do have.

Now let’s not kid ourselves; I’m still realistic.  I don’t swan around sprinkling glitter on everything, hugging trees and saying ‘the universe will rescue me…’.  When I receive my power bill, I DO have a heart attack, because I cannot justify the 55% price increase over the past five years, and it can be a challenge to pay for it. 

But at least I can pay for it, and I’m thankful for that.

Focusing on the positive changed my relationship with money, and as such, money is not a major issue for me anymore.

However, in saying that, I wouldn’t mind some spare cash.  Some money just to be able to buy that pair of shoes, or that baking tin that I see, and want.  I’m tired of paying for things I need, and leaving behind the things I want.

So, I have set myself a pretty strict budget this year, with the view of freeing up some cash for myself throughout the course of the year.  I want to stash enough money away so that Charlie and I can go on another little holiday at the end of the year, or even through the year.  I want to start enjoying ourselves a little more, and I guess that ties in with the ‘Home Life’ issue, and balancing that out as well.

I guess, I would just like a little more financial freedom, and this year will be the year to do that.  I hope. Hahahaha…

Also, freeing up some cashola will enable me to do some more cooking courses, which leads me into the Personal Development issue.

This one I need to think about a little more, because I don’t really know how to go about this one.  I want to do courses that only serve a purpose, and not just do them for the sake of it.  I need to get something more long term out of any courses that I do, and I also need the money to do it.

It’s funny reading this and seeing how these goals/priorities all seem to link together.  Fixing any of the problems will ripple through to the others as well. 

I suppose that’s really the purpose of looking at the Wheel of Life.  Finding balance in the key issues of your life will filter into every aspect of your life.  When you break it all down: when you simplify it, there are only a few key issues that need addressing, and if you can get on top of them, you can really make a difference to your life.

Peace out.