ELIMINATION

So, again last night, we were subjected to yet another uncomfortable instalment of Masterchef.

Fancy throwing these three numpties into such high calibre restaurants?  Thank God it was only during the lunch service, otherwise it could have been disastrous.  Hopefully est., Quay and Marque can recover from that experience.

I’ll tell you this right now: the production crew at Channel 10 certainly have something to answer for.  I swear I saw another spoiler last night. 

Turn your mind back to Ellie’s elimination night.  Yes, I know it’s hard; I know the grief of her going is still cutting you so deep, but do try.  I’m here for you.

Half way through the elimination challenge, Channel 10 ran an ad flogging off their website, the voice over telling us to log onto masterchef blaa blaa blaa for eliminated contestants recipes, all the while showing Ellie cooking.  Thanks for that, fuckwits!  Now I don’t need to watch the rest of the show, because clearly, she’s gone!

And it wasn’t the first time!

Last night, whilst they’re banging on about the Grand Finalè, you see a shot of the judges clapping like performing seals, and then a shot of the balcony, with all of the eliminated contestants on it.  How happy they must have felt to be watching two people standing where they should be. 

Anyway, watch closely tonight, just in case they run the ad again, because I think, over on the right hand side, in a pale green top, is Kate.  I think.

However, I will say in my defence right now, that I didn’t have my glasses on, so I could be wrong. *sigh* I hope I’m wrong.  Needless to say, after seeing this, I wasn’t surprised she landed in an elimination challenge.

Their constant spoilers and product placement is becoming as annoying as Dani.

So, back to last night.

Weren’t we treated to some insightful gold from the contestants? 

Kate could barely control her excitement, declaring ‘I’m cooking at Quay! Me! With Peter Gilmore! A three hated restaurant! Me?’ I know Kate; we couldn’t believe it either!

Then there was the beautiful Alana, who seemed all at sea with her tuna dish (a pun Curtis Stone would be proud of).  What was initially described as vomit by Mark Best, somehow managed to make it over his pass. 

It must have been all the encouragement she received from Boom Boom Boy, constantly reminding her ‘This is a three hated restaurant.’ ‘Did I tell you, this is Australia’s top restaurant?’  ‘This is a three hated restaurant’ Really? I was totally unaware of that.  Thanks for keeping me in the loop there champ.

At least she’s wasn’t amazed that she’s still in the competition.

Venison anyone?  Sure, but don’t expect it to look as perfect as the food Peter Doyle would produce. In fact, Michael/Michelle confirmed that he is completely inconsistent with his cooking.  However, that clearly doesn’t seem to matter.

Even though he was the slowest contestant, stuffed up his puree, made his sauce too thick, had his window-licking expression firmly in place, lost the plot half way through service, and declared 'I'm cooking for Peter Doyle; I don't want to fluff this up.' he still managed to make it through to the final two.

How the fuck did that happen?

And didn’t he handle the news with such grace.  Oh. My. God. He reacted like a fat kid that had just been given a solar powered eski for his lunchbox by Santa.  Such class and dignity.  I don’t know how Kate and Alana didn’t punch him in the neck, cos I certainly wanted to. 

If there was any occasion for tears, it was last night, and all credit to Alana and Kate, who held their emotions in check just long enough to pretend that they actually cared about one another.

So what challenge awaits them?  Another masterful culinary sculpture created by the Sweet Assassin; Adriano Zumbo of course.  Zumbo *shudders in fear*.  Zumbo; whose creepy smile I liken to that of a serial killer about to make his fatal blow. 

George asks ‘Is this harder than a croquembouche?’ to which the Assassin says ‘oh yes.  Much harder.’  OMG. Adriano didn’t speak about Adriano in the third person.  Amazing. 

By his own declaration, this gingerbread house is a challenge, but it’s clearly not as hard as a chook terrine.  God forbid they have Maggie present another challenge that highlights our competitor’s inadequacies.  How embarrassing would that be… however, in saying that, we haven’t seen tonight’s episode yet, have we?

No, Maggie’s too hard.  We’ll bring in the Sweet Assassin, and make them create something that no one in a million years would eat, let alone buy without having to re-mortgage their house.  Yeah.  That’ll fix ‘em.

So who will come out on top tonight?  Will Alana finally realise that she’s still in the competition?  Or will Kate wish she was cooking for her family?

Either way, one of these ladies will go up against the window-licker on Sunday night, when at the end of another series of pointless challenges, someone will be crowned Australia’s Next Masterchef.

By the way: applications for Season 4 are open.  If you can cook a decent piece of toast, you should totally apply.  You never know, based on this season, you may actually win.

Peace out.