WEEK 12 SYL CHALLENGE: DEALING WITH CHANGE

Challenge for week 12:  talk about where you are 12 weeks into SYL having done so much internal work.  Before we move on to the external work of simplifying our lives, check in with what shifts have taken place.  What steps forward have there been, and where are you holding back?  Have you taken first steps of any of your high priority goals, or are you stuck at an impasse?  What one shift can you make to push through the resistance?  If you have been moving forward, share your insights into the side effects of those changes – impact on your family (good or bad) carry over effect into a secondary area of your life, or any other changes you’ve noticed.

Mmmm… well, I suppose that in order to assess where I’m at, and how I’m coping with ‘change’, I would have to look at what goals I have set for myself.

If I look back at the challenge in week six (Goals and Priorities), these are the things I have wanted to focus on:

·         Personal Development

·         Money Balance

·         Health/Fitness

·         Don’t Take It Personally

·         Home Life

Looking at this list, I can clearly see some areas where I’ve made vast changes.  So, let’s have a look at them.

I think the area of my life that has seen the biggest change, is my health and fitness.  I felt that this really couldn’t wait, and upon reflection, was possibly my number one priority.

So I’ve hit it quite hard, and am feeling the positive effects of that already.

I can’t help but think, though, that simply changing my attitude toward this area of my life has had a resonating effect on the other areas of concern.

Improving my health has seen my entire view on life in general shift. 

The frustration and shame of being unhealthy was weighing me down (pardon the pun), but now that I’m being more proactive about it, I feel a little more confidence returning to my soul, and the stress evaporating away.

I’m not worrying about the small, insignificant things that I use to, and I’m certainly not taking stuff as personally anymore.

I’m working hard on controlling the external influences around me, and how they impact upon me, but it’s not easy. 

For example, when I’m at the gym, a place where judgement and criticism can be rife, I try to tell myself that these people don’t know me, nor understand my journey, so they are in no position to judge. 

At least I’m there trying to make a difference to myself.

Some things still get through though, and it hurts.  However, when I step back and think about things, I usually manage them quite well now.

Of course, it works the other way as well.

I have learnt to control my judgement of others, which is generally based on appearance. 

When I feel judgement rising within my mind, I check myself, and ask why?  What’s this all about?

Jealousy is the first thing I come back to. 

If I see a young woman with a fabulous figure; fit, strong and healthy, working out, I feel jealousy stir within me, and I become negative toward her.  Then, I check myself, and think about it, because I’m not being fair.  Why am I jealous of her? Simple; because she is everything I am not. 

Visually, I’m the extreme opposite of her, and it hurts.  Feelings of failure, insecurity and guilt rise to the surface in a desperate attempt to take over and derail me.  When these feelings come up, I acknowledge that yes; I’ve let myself down by letting myself go.  However, I am in control, and we’re doing things differently now.

So, on my ‘learning to not take things personally’ journey, I’ve also learnt to understand the source of my feelings, and to go easier on myself and others.

I’m doing well with my money management.  Getting nailed $611 for driving an unregistered vehicle a few weeks back certainly didn’t help, but it opened my eyes to the fact that I can take that financial hit. 

I see and acknowledge that I have the means to provide myself with a good life.  Sure, I’m not rolling in the lettuce by any standards, but I do well enough to survive.

The one thing I haven’t focused on 100% yet, is my professional development.  I don’t know if that’s because I’ve had a few other things to deal with this year (my health being one of them – again), or if fear is stopping me here.

I suppose that’s the point of this challenge, really; where am I stuck?  What do I need to do to push through that resistance? 

Mmm… I think permitting myself to do it and facing the fear of failure on that on is where I need to start.  I also feel that I don’t have the support at home to make a massive change in this area, and I’m frightened that yet again, I’m going to sacrifice my needs to support the happiness of someone else. 

Clearly, I need to do some more work in this area.

Interesting how Deb (the SYL creator) asks us to think about the side effects of these changes.  I’ve seen a few already.

As I’m exercising a lot more now, I’m a little later home, and sometimes, it’s not until late (because of classes and tennis, etc).  It’s pissing my husband off… I can see that… but I’m not giving in this time.

Many years ago, he had a crack at me and complained about me not being home some nights because I was at classes, and naturally, through guilt, it let it all go.  I gave up.

He was being selfish and inconsiderate, and only focusing on how things affected him, instead of being supportive of my attempts to change.  He attempted to make me feel guilty, and it worked.  I permitted that to happen, and gave in.  This will not happen again. 

I understand, too, that he has issues and ideals of his own.  Clearly, my actions represent some fear within him, but that’s not my problem to fix.  I can help him, but I can’t do it for him.  Just like I have to make the change in my life, because no one can do it for me, he has to make the change in his.

I can see that I’ll have to sit him down and have a good talk to him about what I’m trying to do, because honestly; he would have no idea.  Not through ignorance, but simply because I haven’t told him.  If I shed some light on what I’m doing, and ask for his support; I may just get it.

So, in some areas, I can definitely see where I’m moving forward.  In others, I can see where I’m a little stuck.  However, I can fully understand the effects of these changes; they’re quite evident.

If I keep returning to these goals and ‘check in’ with myself, I shall remain focused on the bigger picture; simplifying my life, and creating my happiness.

Peace out.