THE SHINING LIGHT

So, a couple of years ago, I had my gall bladder removed.

I’m blogging about a lot of health shit lately, aren’t I?  Mmm… that’s my life.

Anyway, I would like to share an experience with you that happened to me that day.  I’d forgotten all about it until this morning; I don’t know what triggered the memory, but I thought I would just roll with it, and share it with you.

So, I was at John Fawkner Private Hospital for the surgery, and they wheeled me into theatre and prepped me for surgery.

I remember the anaesthetic taking effect, and drifting away… you know how much I love that.

This is where it got interesting. 

This was the experience I had whilst under anaesthetic.  It’s not a joke; this actually happened.

I was in a long, dark tunnel.  Ahead of me, was a bright light, which I assumed was the exit of the tunnel.

I felt like I was strapped into a chair, and moving at high speed toward the light.  Like, I could feel the pressure against my body, I was moving that quickly.  My hair was blowing out behind me, and my arms were out to my side, being pushed back in the wind.

You know how, when you’re driving along in a car, and the window’s down, and you put your hand out the window and the wind grabs it?  That’s what my arms felt like.

So here I am, flying along toward this light.

There was this noise… this hum… like a jumbo jet in the distance.  You could hear it rumbling away, and the closer I got to the light, the louder it go.  Louder and louder… closer and closer…

As I drew nearer the light, I could hear voices; voices that were unfamiliar, saying words that were indistinguishable.  Every now and then, I recognised my name.

Closer and closer… louder and louder… then BAM.

The noise was deafening.  There were people everywhere, machines beeping, conversations going on all around me, and the light was so bright; the pain in my chest and side so intense, I started crying.

‘She’s back.’ I heard a female voice say, and a face appeared above me.  ‘Hi Lee.  Welcome back.  You’re in the recovery department of John Fawkner Hospital.  You’ve just had gall bladder surgery, and everything went really well.’

The noise started to settle, but the pain in my chest was intense.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘I’m in a lot of pain.’ I croaked.  This was unusual.  I’ve never woken up from surgery in pain like this before…

‘Where’s the pain, Lee?’

‘In my chest and side.’

‘That’s normal after the surgery you’ve had.’ Smiled the nurse.

The noise around me settled as clarity settled in.  Conversations buzzed around me between medical staff and patients.  Heart monitors beeped away, and someone in the distance groaned.

‘Lee,’ another voice said.  ‘I’ll just give you something for the pain…’ and I felt a jab in my arm.

She turned her back and started writing in my chart as I felt the nausea sweep over me.  Oh no… she’d given me morphine…

‘I think I’m going to be sick…’ I croaked, but she didn’t hear me.  I stretched out my left hand, noticing the heart monitor clipped to my finger, and touched her back.  She spun around in an instant.  ‘I’m going to be sick…’ and my mask was removed and a bag placed before me in just a nick of time.

‘I react to morphine…’ I said wearily.

‘Clearly.’ The nurse said a little snappishly.  ‘It’s not on your chart…’

‘It should be… plus, I’m wearing an allergy bracelet…’ I said, lifting my left arm, which weighed a tonne, to show her the red medical tag the hospital had slapped on me during admission.  I felt another jab in my arm, as the nurse gave me something to settle the nausea. 

I lay there in peace for a while, listening to the recovery department buzz with life around me. 

Tears silently spilled down my face as I wondered why it still felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest, and what the fuck had just happened to me.

What the fuck was with the bright light?  Had I died? Was I dying? Had someone or something pulled me back?  What the fuck had happened?

I heard someone close by sobbing, and realised after a little while, that it was me. 

‘Are you alright, Lee?’ a different nurse appeared at my side, and held my hand.

‘I… I don’t know…’ I honestly didn’t.  ‘My chest is really heavy, and I feel… strange…’

‘Because of the surgery you’ve had, there will be some residual pain up through your chest from your diaphragm.  You’re insides have been moved around a bit to get to the gall bladder.  It will go away in time.’

I nodded; not completely convinced, though it did make sense.

Later, when I relayed this experience to Charlie, he just sat there looking at me, completely lost for words.  He knew that I’m not one to make shit up, and when I started talking about spiritual or weird experiences like this, he listened and believed.

I cannot explain what happened that day, because I really don’t understand.

Was I dreaming?  Did I die?  Did I have a near death experience with the whole ‘white light’ routine that people talk about?

Who knows?

All I know is that I’m still here to blog about it.

Peace out.