POLICE SPRAY

So, I’m heading through Kilmore the other morning, thinking to myself ‘I’m having a good run today’, when I hear on the radio that there’s been an accident.

Wallan never makes the news unless it’s for something bad (usually the case for most suburbs, really) and apparently there was a nasty accident down there somewhere.

Great.

So as I’m head through Wallan, I can see that the police are at one of the intersections ahead of me, re-directing traffic. 

Now, there were police, flashing lights and traffic everywhere, so I naturally assumed that this is where the accident was.  However, I was too busy trying not to cause another accident to really see any gory action stuff, so I didn’t really take a lot of notice.

So, I turn right (as directed), and head through the back of Wallan, and come back onto the Northern about half a click past the accident.

Yay! Back on track! I think to myself, as I hoon off past the footy club and toward the Hume.

That’s when I see it. 

The accident wasn’t at the set of lights after all; it was over the rise and about a kilometre away from the Hume. 

And it was big.

So I join the relatively short queue, which appeared to be moving, in the patient hope that I will get through eventually.

There’s traffic dripping through from the other direction, and my lane was moving slowly, so we had to be getting through.  Right?

Wrong.

Twenty-five minutes later, my impatience has gotten the best of me, and I realise now that it’s not traffic coming the other way, but vehicles turning around.  That’s why my lane was moving. 

Standing on the side of the road, just a little head of me, was a couple of coppers, having a good old yap. 

When I get close enough to them, I wind down my window, and catch the eye of one of them.

‘What’s going on?’ I ask politely.

‘There’s been an accident.’ He said matter-of-factly.

No shit, I thought.  ‘Really? I would never have guessed.’ I sighed.  ‘Can we get through?’

‘No.’ he laughed.  ‘The roads completely blocked.  You’ll have to turn around and go back through Kilmore’

‘What?’ I gasped.  ‘When the fuck were you going to tell me that?’ I snapped.  He just looked at me like he’d been slapped.  ‘I’ve been sitting in this queue for twenty-five minutes, and you didn’t think to come along and tell people that they can’t get through?  Are you kidding me?’

‘Um…. We have a diversion at the intersection….’ He pointed in the direction from whence I’d come.

‘Well clearly that’s working well!’ I barked.  ‘I was redirected this way!  And what about all the poor bastards coming out of the estate between here and the intersection?  No one’s redirecting them?’

He looked back down the line of traffic toward the estate entrance, a little lost.

‘It’s clear you traffic management skills are somewhat questionable, champ.’ I barked again, and he turned to me with eyes of steel.  ‘I can’t believe that you’re not walking along this line of traffic and telling people to turn around!  I can’t believe you don’t have someone posted at the estate entrance? What the hell do you expect all of these people to do?’

‘Well… we’re doing the best we can…’

‘Um… no you’re not.’ I snapped again.  I could have reached out of my fucken window and throttled him.  ‘I’ve wasted twenty-five minutes of my life in this queue.! Twenty-five minutes I’ll never get back again, and to top it all off, I’m now fucken late for work!  And that’s happened whilst you’ve been standing on the side of the road yapping to your friggin mate there!’ I said, pointing to the other female copper, who was watching the scene with a great deal of interest.

‘Like I said, we’re doing the best we can.’ He said a little stiffly.

‘And like I said, no you’re not.  You two should be walking along this queue and turning everyone around instead of just standing there.  That’s traffic management.  Then you should have someone’s arse standing at that estate entrance turning people around.  Surely you can see that what you’re doing now is not working?’

He looked up the queue of cars again, his mind clearly ticking over.

‘Jesus mate; common sense is free.  You’ve robbed me of twenty-five minutes; the least you could do is save the poor bastards behind me.’ And with that, I put my car in gear, drove ahead a little bit and turned around.

As I drove back past the coppers again, they were starting to approach the other waiting drivers.  Amazing *rolls eyes*

Took some numptie office manager to point out the bleeding fucking obvious.

I have an immense amount of respect for the Victorian Police Force, but these two must have been the dumbarses of their graduating class, with a FAIL in traffic management for sure.

Clowns.

Peace out.