ROAD TRIP!

For only the second time in ten years, Charlie-Albert and I are going on a holiday on our own.

We’re goin’ on a road trip.

And where is the lucky place we’re heading to?  Canberra.  Yeah.

Charlie and I are so cool, aren’t we?

I haven’t been on a road trip since….the last time.  I can’t remember when, but I do know, that it’s been many years since I’ve had to drive that far.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before (possibly have), but I hate driving.  I hate it with a passion.  Living in bumfuck nowhere means that I have to drive a distance to get to anything decent, and it shits me.

Yes, I know I could move, but I love the serenity of living out here.  So I’ll quit my bitching and get over myself.

Considering this, the idea driving to Canberra for a holiday makes me want to punch someone in the nuts.  However, if we flew up there, we would need a damn car to hoon around anyway, so we may as well take ours and I can just harden the fuck up.

So: a road trip.

The concept set me to thinking what I would need to take with me to survive not only eight to nine hours in a confined space, but eight to nine hours in a confined space with my husband.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I do love my Charlie-Albert dearly.  He is my precious; but the thought of having to travel so far in a car with him, when there is no escape, sees me curling up in the corner of the room, trying to find a happy space as I gently rock back and forth.

As I don’t drink (sometimes I curse that), I’ll not be in the pleasurable position of downing frothy after frothy until I fall into a comfortable state of numbness.

The painkillers I have here, although being most suitable for to the control of pain (which is what this trip in the car will be akin to), could also leave me a blithering mess that just needs to sleep, which not a good road trip will make.

So, I have to hit this 100% sober.  Yay. 

I would imagine that most people that venture out on a road trip, will plan their trip ahead, and mark out places that they can stop along the way, to break up the drive.

I intend to do this, but instead of mapping out roadhouses or petrol stations along the way, I will be mapping out public toilets. 

You know where I stand on the public toilet thing.

Not only will I be mapping out toilets, I will be rating them on what I think their standard will be, according to their locations and what they are associated with.  This will determine whether they are ‘stop worthy’, or not.

For example; if the toilets are attached to a service station that’s associated with a McDonalds, we’ll be stopping there.  McDonalds toilets are nice and clean, and have okay toilet paper.

If it’s just a public toilet at a truck stop; forget it.  However, if I’m desperate, I’ll be using my hand sanitiser and my own toilet paper. 

This got me to thinking about what I will need to take with me, to survive my road trip. 

Forget about my clothes, shoes, toiletries, etc.  No; I need to think about the things I will need to take in the car with me, just for the drive.  So, here is the list I’ve come up with (so far!):

• Toilet paper (four ply that I buy from Coles or Aldi – nothing less will do)
• Hand sanitiser.  Apparently, I can buy this in a spray form now (so one of my peeps tells me).  I shall have to hunt this down before I go.  In the interim, my normal little bottle will do.
• Extra hand sanitiser.  Just in case I run out between here and Canberra.
• Chocolate.  Everyone needs a little comfort.
• Crisps.  With lots of salt.  Yeah.
• More chocolate, to balance out the salty chips.
• Fruit.  To counter-balance the negativity of the crisps and chocolate.
• Water.  I like to keep on top of my two to three litres a day, because I dehydrate like a white man in the desert.
• Coke.  That shit’s for Charlie.
• A shovel.  Just in case I’m desperate and the toilets we stop at are scary.  I can use the shovel to either defend myself, or to dig a hole to pee/poop in. 
• Ipod.  This has multiple purposes.  Firstly, I will provide great entertainment.  Secondly, I won’t have to talk to Charlie.  Thirdly, it will drown out his incessant winging about having to drive so far, and me telling him ‘I told you we should have flown.’

Now will be taking my Kobo (e-reader), but unfortunately, as I suffer motion sickness, the last thing I can do in the car is read.  So I have eight to nine hours of listening to music, ignoring Charlie, and staring at the fucken scenery.  Yay.

So, that’s about it so far.  I think they are the items I will need to survive this drive.  Though, I do believe that from the experiences I gain along the way to Canberra, this list will expand for the return trip.

If you have any suggestions, please let me know.  I think I’ll need all the help I can get.

Peace out.