HOW CAMP

School camp.

Awesome.

Although my memories of it have faded considerably, the overall feelings I have around the good-old school camp are fond ones.

I can remember making damper for the bon fire.  I can remember walking along a ‘squeaky beach’.  I can remember sharing a room with four girls, and having room inspections.  I can remember log cabins.  I can remember bush walks.  I can remember the beach.  I can remember holding seeds and parrots landing on my hand to feed.  I remember the bus.    I remember receiving an award called ‘the girl in blue’, because apparently, I wore a lot of blue.  I remember eating in a communal dining hall, and having to clean up after it. I remember concerts and I remember sharing good times with my friends.

What I do not remember, is taking a week to pack, and then packing everything in my entire bedroom into a case that’s as big as my car boot.

Oh how times have changed.

If I have to go away now, there is a shortlist of things I cannot survive without.  Here it is:

Cpap Machine

Purse

Pro Active

Kobo (nothing like a good book)

A clean pear of undies for each day

Medication

That’s it.  Everything else I can seriously survive without. 

However, Jade’s list of things she cannot survive without (not that she’s so organised that she has a list), goes something like this:

Hair straightener

Blow Dryer

Brushes, combs and hairclips

Shampoo and conditioner (optional)

Beauty products & other toiletries (optional)

Foundation

Concealer

Rouge

Powder

Mascara

Eye Liner

Eye Shadow

Lip Glosses and sticks

Purse (optional)

Money (doesn’t have to be in the purse)

Jeans (in several different designs and colours)

Mini skirts (again, several different designs and colours)

Stockings (same as above)

Shoes (need a style and colour for every occasion)

T-shirts and tops (styles… colours… blaa blaa)

Cardies (same same)

Jewellery (again, various styles and colours of necklaces, earrings and bracelets)

Books (not just one… several)

This is her ‘cannot survive without’ list.  Omg.

As I write this, I wonder if she’s packed socks, pajamas, a toothbrush, toothpaste, and clean underwear, because I seriously think she could survive without them. 

I stepped back and let her take charge of her packing, and I just pray that common sense prevailed somewhere, and she’s packed some serious necessities in that monster of a case she took.

She has packed so much stuff, that it took two of us to lift her case into the car.  I have visions of the tail of the bus dragging along the ground, throwing off sparks, because all of the teenage girls have packed like their moving house, not going on a THREE DAY CAMP.

Yes; a three day camp.  AND, and urban one at that.

Everything she’ll be doing will be sight-seeing related, not physical, sporty, activity stuff. So, at least she will look glamorous, although demonstrating a serious case of dunny breath if she hasn’t packed a damn toothbrush.

She said to me one day that the school were providing her with $45 a day to feed herself.  $45 a day! Clearly, I’m paying too much in school fees!  How much do they expect her to eat?  She’s a fucking vegetarian; throw an iceberg lettuce and a tomato at her, and she’ll be fine!

She was so excited, telling me that the school said that they can pair up and venture along Lygon Street, Carlton, and have a meal out. Lygon Street Carlton? 14 year old kids with just one friend?  Are you kidding me?

Clearly, someone must have complained about this, because it went from ‘pairs’ to ‘groups’, and $45 for three days, not per day.  Jade was devastated, declaring ‘how am I supposed to eat for three days on $45?’

I’m like ‘welcome to my world, champ.’  Care factor: zero. ‘If you can’t find meals to fit that budget, then you’re doing it wrong.  The end.’  No sympathy from me, because I remember going to school camp with $10, and coming home with change.

So, as Jade has her holiday in the city, disguised as a school camp, I wonder how many times she’s changed her clothes today, and have visions of a dozen girls crammed in front of a huge mirror, straightening and styling their hair, slapping on their makeup, touching up their gloss and talking at a million miles an hour in a blurred language that I do not understand.  Some of the boys will be doing this too, I dare say…

I can see them sitting in a restaurant in Lygon Street, thinking they’re awesome because they’re out on the town without the rents, texting each other and their friends at the next table, whilst the waiter is wondering if they have enough money to pay for their order.

I can see a group of them strutting down the street, thinking they’ll all supermodels, dressed in the latest fashions, and all so ‘cool’ because they’re not at school and in the big smoke, and all casually glancing over their shoulders to catch a glimpse of themselves in any reflective surface that they pass.

I can see them texting each other as they try not to fall asleep as they are treated to a demonstration by our indigenous forefathers, and shovelling popcorn into their mouths as they sit in a cinema watching Red Dog.

I can see them giggling and squealing with excitement and delight at the views from Eureka Tower, and talking for hours and hours into the night, when they finally fall asleep from exhaustion.

I hope she’s having the time of her life.

I’m totes jealous.

Peace out.