So, during the course of the past week, I’ve been
littering my Facebook status updates with Collingwood jokes.
I hate Collingwood, and I am clearly not alone.
Collingwood, the team everyone
loves to hate, unless of course you’re a Collingwood supporter.
So, into the AFL Grand Final they are this weekend
(again), and I couldn’t help but express my true feelings about this club.
As such, a few of my peeps have asked if I could collate
my jokes and put them on my blog, so here they are.
Just a note: these jokes have come from other people
(except for the one about Senator Conroy – that was more an observation on my
part!). I received one email from my
dear friend Jane, and started peppering my statuses with those. Then I started receiving messages from my
nephew Josh, my mates Jamo, Kellie and I can’t remember who else. Sorry if I have forgotten you, but I thank
you for the entertainment.
Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter with
half a brain?
A. Gifted.
Q. What do you call a group of Collingwood supporters running off in the same direction?
A.
Jailbreak!
Q. A group of Collingwood supporters are standing on their tip toes up to their necks in water. What is the problem?
A.
Not enough water
Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.
Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.
Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no
reason what so ever.
Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?
A. What you looking at?
Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!
Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?
A. Because a Lexus has four seats.
Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.
You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the
dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have
the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired
people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their
restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after
saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia
Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house
exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down,
depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the
fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because
there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is
drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five
dogs.
I can't believe that the Gillard government has
put Senator Steven Conroy in charge of communication. He's a Collingwood
supporter, and they're still learning to speak!
Q. What's the difference between a cactus and the
Lexus Centre?
A.
A cactus has pricks on the outside
Q. What's
got 100 legs and 4 teeth?
A. The
front row of the Collingwood cheer squad
I will add more as I get them, just for your
enjoyment pleasure.
Apologies to all Collingwood supporters out
there. Hahahaha! Not really! Like you wouldn’t be doing the
same thing to me!!
Peace out.
No comments:
Post a Comment