STUPID COWS

So, the time has come, according to Charlie.

Time to sell off our main breeder-cows that we’ve had for seven years now, and my heart is breaking.

Charlie had planned to sell the cows in calf, with a calf, which yields us more money.  It’s like a three for one deal.  However, after speaking to the agent, now’s the time to sell them; a cow with a calf.

I’ve always known this day was coming, but it doesn’t make it any easier.  You try no to get attached to things, but you do.

Charlie told Jade and I we could get attached to the cows, because we would be keeping them for a few years to breed from, and he would never send them to butcher.  He’s been true to his word.

We only named two of them.  One was called Fozzy, because her ears were so fluffy, that she looked like Fozzy Bear from the Muppet Show.  The other one was called Charlie Girl, because she learnt very quickly, that Charlie was the food source.  He had the bucket of nice, crunchy oats.  He had the bales of hay.  He was the man, and every time she saw him, whether he had food or not, she would moo her tits off and come screaming across the paddock toward him, hoping he had food.  Lunatic.

They were very intelligent animals, with an incredibly gentle nature, which surprised me.  Being a dumbarse city-slicker, I had never really had anything to do with cows before we bought some.

However, I will never forget the day they arrived, and stood in our front paddock, chewing on the lush grass, happy and content.  Never did I know the lessons these beautiful beasts would teach me.

A lot of people say that cows are stupid; well, they’re not the brightest globes in the box, but they are far from stupid.

Many a time I’ve come home and seen the ‘creche’ in operation.  A couple of cows would be chilling with a heap of the calves, looking after them whilst the mothers were scattered across the paddock, having a break.  The crèche.

They were so habitual, that Charlie could wander into the front 40 acre paddock, walk behind them all and herd them up on his own.  He would just wave his arms shouting ‘c’mon!’, and they would be like ‘oh… ok…. We’re moving paddocks again… let’s go,’ and start gently mooing to each other, or calling in their calves, and make their way along the fence, through the gate, across the driveway, and into the other paddock.  Clockwork.

I remember one day, going for my nightly walk during daylight savings that a few of the calves were running around one of the bigger cows, and it looked odd to me.  I stood there and watched, and realised with delight that they were actually playing. 

The crèche was in operation, and one of the cows would stand there, pretending not to look at the calves.  The babies would gather together, sneak up behind her, and when they got close, she would whip around (as fast as a half-a-ton beast could) and chase them.  The calves would scatter in all directions, mooing with delight!  She would catch one of them, give them a nudge under the arse with her nose, and send them sprawling.  They just seemed to laugh, pick themselves up, and do it all again.

I stood there for about fifteen minutes watching the spectacle.  I couldn’t believe it.

There was a time when Charlie, Jade and I were in the ute, heading out for the evening, and the babies were close to the driveway fence.  We stopped, Jade and I wound down the windows, and cooed at the calves, who just stared at us like ‘what the fuck is that?’

As we drove off, the calves started running along the fence line beside the ute.  As we got faster, so did they, and pretty soon, there were ten calves running full knacker along with the car.

The funny thing though, was the ten mother-cows running along after them, screaming their heads off at them (we were sure they were telling their babies to slow the fuck down and stop being fucken stupid), all the while their full udders bouncing and spraying milk everywhere!  All over themselves and the cows around them.

Hilarious.

They were far from stupid cows.  Far from it.  Beautiful, gentle beasts that over time, we could feed slices of bread by hand.  That over time, you could stand in amongst them, and they’d rub up against you.  That over time, you could actually pat them.

Now they’re gone, and the remaining six cows and four calves are mooing for their family.  Even the bull looks depressed. All of a sudden, the oldies that have been a part of this farm for years have gone, and the babies that are still here, are missing their mamas.

When I woke this morning, I could hear the mournful, sad cry of one cow in our paddock, who Charlie said had been crying all night.  Charlie went to down check on them, and they were okay.  Just said.

Like me, who crys that the thought of our remaining cows being sad because they miss the mamas too.

Stupid cows.

They were shipped off last night, when I was thankfully at my mother’s.  Good timing on Charlie’s part, even though the sales are today and they had to go last night anyway.

If I had been there to witness it, I would have been a hysterical mess, like I am now.

I was sitting at Mum’s, watching Jamie Oliver’s 15 Minute Meals (love that show), and trying not to think about my babies being loaded onto a truck…scared and confused… wondering where they were going…. Wondering why they’re leaving their home…. When I got a text from Charlie.

‘Charlie Girl was the last on the truck.’ With a little emoticon of a broken heart.

That was all it said.  Charlie Girl was his favourite.

I lost the plot and started bawling, and haven’t really stopped yet.  How the fuck am I supposed to work today?  I’m such a sooky dick!  It’s a fucken cow for fucks sake!

Charlie’s going to the sales today to watch; see what his babies get at market, and talk to the stock agent about buying some new heifers next year.

And so the cycle goes around again.  The wheel of life, isn’t it?  It just keeps spinning.

I hope wherever they end up, that they are as loved as they were here.  I don’t want to think that they’ll be knocked on the head or sold off again quickly.  I hope they live happily ever after on a good farm with lots of nice, lush feed.

Stupid cows.

Peace out.