OLYMPICS

Apparently, the Olympics are on.

If it weren’t for the complete saturation of both print and digital media for the last two weeks, I would never have known *rolls eyes*

Am I the only person out there that doesn’t really care? 

Is it un-Australian of me to say that?

I mean, I do enjoy the Olympics, and I get that it’s only once every four years and all, but… I think I’m already over it?

And I think I’m over it because of the media saturation I’ve endured for weeks now. 

I think if I see any more green and gold, I’ll puke.  Why do we have green and gold anyway?  Can someone explain that to me?  Why not blue with the union jack and stars all over it?  That would be purdy.

And what’s with the ‘team uniform’?  I’m confused.  There are so many variations to the uniform that I can’t even concentrate.  Why not just send the athletes out there in acid wash skinny leg jeans, wife beaters, flannel shirts and thongs.  Throw in a stubby for good measure, and there’s your team uniform. 

We could use some condoms for embellishments.

Sure: it’s an honour to represent your country.  Without a doubt.  To be standing on a dais in London, a gold medal slung around your neck as you try to hold back your tears as the anthem plays…. the reality is that you’re not only the best in the country at this shit; you’re now the best in the world. 

Or the luckiest.

So, over the next two weeks, we’ll see some of our champions deliver our expectations, some will fail, and absolutely nobody’s become household names.

Point in case: Stephen Bradbury.  No one had ever heard of this dude until his entire opposition in a skating race fell down in front of him.  All he had to do was stay on his feet, and grab the gold medal as he sailed past the finish line.

Legendary stuff.

Of course, you don’t even have to be fit to compete.  Point in case: Russell Mark, who is now more famous because of his hot wife, and not being able to ‘sleep’ with her in the Olympic village. 

If I had a wife like that, I wouldn’t want to be separated from her either.  Not because I’d end up with blue balls, but because every other horny Olympian that’s finished their events and wants to fuck anything with a pulse, would be after her.

I think I’ll take up shooting shit, and work my way toward the 2016 Olympics. I reckon I’m in with a shot (pardon the pun).

I do feel sorry for some athletes, though.  The weight of an entire country rests upon their backs.  That surely must be weighing them down.

Not if you’re James Magnussen though, who’s be banging on about his own awesomeness for months now.  He appears to be okay with it.  Forget quiet confidence; he’s fucken right out there with it.

Hope he doesn’t fuck up and bring home silver.  Disappointed….

I actually went through the dilemma of whether or not I should get up at 5.30am and watching the opening ceremony.  I like the opening ceremonies.  Except for when the teams coming in.  That’s as boring as bat shit. 

Sleep won.  Though, I did get up about 6.30-6.45am, and watched about fifteen minutes before having to organise my shit and get to water aerobics.

I love the cultural references and acknowledgements that the opening ceremonies contain.  It’s incredible to watch an amazing story unfold; the evolution of an entire country. 

The fifteen minutes I watched contained a group of youths partying their way through nightclubs and included music from the ‘60’s to now, with specific references to the Sex Pistols, The Prodigy and Train Spotting. 

So, the snippet of British culture I was subjected to was about kids that lives were ruled by social media, anarchy, fire starting and drug fucked losers.

Brilliant.

So, the medal tally will start ticking over thick and fast now, and no doubt Great Britain will be at the top of the heap.  When they’re enjoying lovely, air conditioned rooms in the games village, why wouldn’t they?

Apparently, they have mega bucks invested in these games.  They’re desperate to clean up, because not only are they on their home ground, but all the whinging poms want to do is beat Australia.  At something.  Anything.  Other than cricket.

Of course, they do this in the sports that don’t really count.  Which is pretty much everything other than swimming, gymnastics and athletics. 

As far as I’m concerned, swimming, gymnastics and athletics stuff are the only Olympic sports. 

Soccer is not an Olympic sport.  Tennis is not an Olympic sport.  Shooting is not an Olympic sport.  Basketball and Netball are not Olympic sports.  Boxing or martial arts shit is not an Olympic sport.  Diving I’m still unsure about, because it involves water.  In saying that, Water Polo is not an Olympic sport.  Synchronised Swimming is not even a fucken sport.

All these fucken sports are included.  I don’t know why, and quite frankly, I don’t care.  As long as the athletes of Australia have something to strive for, I’m happy.

And, as long as we beat Great Britain.

Fuckers.

Go Straya!  Peace out.