AUNTIE JUDE

Soft, amber light spilled across the room from the small lamp behind Auntie Jude’s bedhead.

I sat quietly in the chair next to Charlie’s cousin, Nigel; my arm around his massive shoulders.  Six foot something; a tall, strapping young man, sitting hunched over in his chair as he held his beloved Aunt’s fragile little hand. 

On the other side of the bed, Nathan; Auntie Jude’s ‘baby boy’ slid into a seat, took his mother’s hand, and started quietly speaking to her.

She couldn’t respond, of course.  She was past that now.  Though, I’ve no doubt she could hear everything that was going on around her.

Charlie-Albert stood beside me, holding my hand.  I looked up at him, and he winked at me. 

I leant back in the chair and took in the people around me.  Family members wandered casually between Auntie Jude’s hospital bedroom, and the adjoining family room, with chairs, a couch and a small kitchenette.  The bench and sink were littered with soft drink bottles, glasses, mugs, plates, biscuits and a kettle working overtime.  Simple comforts.

Nigel sat back with a sigh, sorrow heavy on his face, and looked at me.  ‘I love this family.’ He said simply.  ‘I really love them, you know?  I have friends and know people that have families that… aren’t close.  They don’t speak or whatever, and I can’t understand it.  I don’t know where I’d be without these people, Lee.  I love this family so much.’

I rubbed his back gently. ‘This family is pretty awesome, Nige.’ I smiled softly, leaning back in my chair.  ‘I’m from a large family, Nigel.  Dad was one of eleven, and Mum one of six.  I have hundreds; literally hundreds of cousins.  I wouldn’t know ninety per cent of them mate, but the ones I do, I love dearly.  One of them I would call my sister.’ I swallowed.  It was hard thinking about my family whilst sitting in this room.  ‘I have always said to Charlie that I love your family, Nigel, because they are all beautiful people.  They are fun, and loving and supportive, and have always made me feel welcome.’

Nigel smiled.  ‘That’s awesome.’

‘Always Nigel; always welcome.  They’re indeed beautiful people, and I feel a part of this family because of it.’

Nigel smiled and nodded, turning to look at his Aunt for a moment whilst I rubbed his back.  He turned and looked up at Charlie. ‘I’m a bit worried about you wearing a short sleeve business shirt, mate…’ he smirked, changing the subject.

Charlie looked at me.  ‘I told you…’ he laughed.  When I got home, I made him change his shirt into something a little nicer, and he said that the sleeves looked too short and felt funny when he wore it.

‘Be all right if you had rippling biceps to show off.’ Nigel added, and Nathan and I laughed.  Charlie just smiled.

And so it began.  The back and forth slanging match that was common between these cousins.  Grey hair, no hair, no talent, short arse, old man, kissing Barbie’s and so it went on.  Every now and then, one of them would turn to Auntie Jude and say ‘Auntie; save me here! They’re picking on me!’

Of course, if she was able, she would have just laughed at them all.  She loved her boys; her children; her nephews and nieces.  She loved them, and would have loved them being there with her at this time.  It was beautiful.

Charlie’s sister Michelle came into the room, and I stood up, gave Nigel a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, and moved to let her sit down next to her Aunt for a while.  She protested, but I ignored her and told her to sit.

I sighed as I leant against the doorframe of the opening between the two rooms, taking in at the scene before me.  The pain in this room was palpable, but the feeling of love was completely overwhelming. 

I could feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes as Auntie Rhonda, Jude’s sister, appeared beside me.  ‘It’s still raw, isn’t it?’ was all she said as she rubbed my arm.

Indeed it was.  A little over two years ago, I was in exactly the same position as Nathan, and his sister Simone, when my father passed on.  It was terrible, but at the same time, beautiful.  To be there until the very last moment is a blessed thing, but a curse also. 

The pain is incredible, and the helplessness even worse.  Now, sadly, every time I close my eyes and think of Dad, the last memory I have of him is his final moments.  My mind flitters momentarily to the pictures I have of him littered around the house; they distract me from the unpleasant memories…

For me, being in this room was very, very difficult.  I had already excused myself earlier in the evening, and hurried into the corridor as I broke down. 

It was still raw, and it made me angry.  Good people shouldn’t suffer like this!  It’s not fair! I looked town at tiny little Auntie Rhonda, and quietly said ‘It’s just not fair… I feel such sorrow for Uncle John, Nathan and Simone…’

Auntie Rhonda, who works extensively with her husband, a minister, in their local church didn’t miss a beat. ‘We can discuss fairness all night, my darling, but to no end.  It only upsets us.  It is what it is.’ She shrugged.  ‘That’s as simple as it gets.  It is what it is.’

She was right, of course.  It is what it is.  There is nothing any of us can do about it.  We can’t change anything, we can’t make a difference to what’s happening; it is what it is.  All we can do is love.

‘I’m sorry if it sounded blunt, my darling, but that’s the truth of the matter.’

‘You’re right, Auntie Rhonda.  It’s a life journey, and it affects us all.’

‘She’s made peace with God, Lee.  We’ve talked extensively about it over the past few days, and she’s welcomed God into her heart, and is ready to go.  She knows that God has a place for her beside him.’

I didn’t doubt that for a second, but my heart still bled for those she left behind.  I sighed, knowing exactly what her children are going through now, and exactly what they face in the days, weeks, months, years to come.

However, I found myself struggling to push down my own issues.  The memories of my father flooded my mind, and the pain of his death was as acute right now, in this room, as it was two years ago.

Nathan appeared at my side, smiled and hugged me.  ‘Don’t feel sad for me,’ he said simply.  ‘I’m thankful that I’ve had her in my life for so long. I’ve been blessed; we all have. I’ve made my peace with it, and I’m just thankful to be here at the end.’

My respect for Nathan just flew through the roof, as he smiled calmly at me, his eyes wet with unshed tears.  He displayed a strength that I didn’t have, and a resolve that has escaped me still.

I pushed my own issues down; hard, and hugged him.  What a beautiful soul, I though as we embraced.  Shame you follow the Western Bulldogs. :D

He didn’t deserve this grief; no one did.  However, as Auntie Rhonda said; it is what it is. 

A part of God’s greater plan.

Auntie Jude slipped away in the early hours the following morning, mercifully being carried away by angels wings, to that place in heaven Auntie Rhonda told me about.

Free; no pain; smiling, laughing, mischievous, and full of absolute love. 

That’s how I will remember Judith Giulieri. 

May you rest in peace, Auntie Jude.  You will leave a hole that only memories and love can fill.

Peace out.

PHOTO A DAY CHALLENGE: 13.02.2012

13TH FEBRUARY 2012: SHOES

So, here is a photo of my shoes.  Correction; some of my shoes.

I use to have a real fetish for shoes, then I got married and my addiction

stopped (mainly because of the cost! LOL!)

At the bottom of the photo, you will see my red sandals, and Charlie's black

one's on top of a white box.  Therein lay my pride and joy: knee high

black boots.  Love them.

The red sandals would be my faves, closely followed by my

Australia Day thongs.  I heart my shoes.

THIS IS THE WORST OF IT

So, Mum, Jade and I are heading off to Bendigo for an afternoon’s shopping.  It’s a nice day and we’re yapping away as we head into the lovely town of Heathcote, but fifteen minutes from home.

I can see flashing lights ahead, and cars pulled over to the side, and assume that this must be another Booze Bus set up in town.

Jade has a laugh and says ‘If they ask you if you’ve been drinking Lee, are you going to show them your bottle of water?  The usual joke, as I don’t drink and the breathalysers are a waste of time for me.

I wonder if I’ll slip through…  I think as I approach the scene.  Not moments later, a police officer literally steps right out in front of my car, points directly to me, and indicates for me to pull into the service lane.

‘That was rather extreme…’ I muttered, pulling into the queue of trucks and cars.

The copper comes up to my window, a determined look on his face.  ‘Can you get your licence out please, M’aam.  The officer will come along and check it shortly.’ He quipped, and continued on to the next vehicle.

‘What the fuck?’ I said, reaching into my handbag, which was on the floor beside Mum. 

‘Why would he want your licence?’ Iris asked.

‘Maybe they’re doing random licence checks, Ma.  Seeing if they can ping anyone with outstanding fines and stuff…’ I shrugged.

‘You haven’t got any, have you?’

‘Of course not.’ I snapped, thinking that there had to be something more to it.  I had a really bad feeling about this…

Another copper came up to my window, greeted us and took my licence from me.  He leant it against the screen of the small laptop he was carrying, clicked at the keyboard and waited a moment.

‘Ok M’aam…’ he handed back the licence.  ‘If you could pull your car over to the side of the road with the others, I’ll come up and chat to you in a moment.’

‘Oh, okay…’ I said, but before I could ask what the problem was, he was gone.

‘What’s going on?’ asked Iris, and I just shrugged.  ‘I’ve no idea…’ I drove past about ten cars parked on the side of the road, and pulled to a stop at the head of them all, wondering what the fuck was going on.

There was a big mobile van set up in the old service station at the side of the road, with tables out the front, and people and coppers sitting at the tables like they were being interviewed.  What was this?  What had I done?

I did a mental check: I wasn’t speeding, I have no fines, my seatbelt was on; I spun around and looked at Jade.  Nope; her seatbelt was on.  What did I do?

‘What do you think they want, Lee?’ Jade asked nervously.

‘Maybe they just want to compliment me on my awesomeness, mate.’ I tried to reassure her.

‘More like compliment Grandma…’ she smiled.  Snap.

‘What could it be…?’ Iris wondered aloud.  Then she said the words that literally made my heart stop.  ‘Have you paid your registration?’

Oh.  My.  God. 

I haven’t paid my registration.   I clapped my hand over my mouth.  ‘That’s it…’ I said, turning to her.  ‘I haven’t paid my rego.  It was due two weeks ago…’ I flopped back in my chair, resting my head against the head rest.  ‘I forgot all about it… that’s what it will be…’

Twenty-four years of driving, and I’ve never forgotten my rego.  Until now.

I looked in the side mirror, and could see the copper striding toward us.  Great; I’m screwed.  What are they going to do to me?

‘Morning, M’aam.’ He said.  ‘Your drivers licence please?’ I pulled it out of my purse; again, and handed it to him.  Again, he put it on his lap top and clicked away. 

We watched silently as he walked around the front of my car, and to the rego sticker on the passenger side, and nodded.

‘That’s it.’ Mum and I said in unison.

‘What will they do Lee?’ Jade asked.

‘They’ll fine me, champ.’

‘How much?’

I remembered back to a time, not a few years ago, that Charlie borrowed a friend’s trailer, totally unaware that the trailer was not registered.  He got pulled over by the police and fined a couple of hundred dollars for driving with an unregistered trailer in tow.  ‘Possibly a couple of hundred bucks, champ.’

‘Will you have to pay that now?’

‘No baby.  They give you time to pay it.’ 

I couldn’t believe it!  How stupid! I have the money for it sitting in my bank account!  I remember even thinking; ‘I must pay my rego’ through the week… I can’t believe I’ve forgotten about it!

‘M’aam,’ the officer said, returning to my window.  ‘You do realise that your vehicle registration has expired?’

‘Yes.’ I smiled causally.  ‘Mum and I were just discussing that… I just realised it hadn’t been paid…’

‘Any reason for not paying it?’

‘I simply forgot all about, mate… it’s been a hectic couple of weeks…’ I could try to talk my way out of it; try to bullshit… come up with some line that may work… but at the end of the day, I was in the wrong.  I hadn’t paid my rego.  I couldn’t be bothered arguing, which would possibly make the situation worse anyway.  Plus, I had Jade in the back seat; what kind of example would that be to her?

‘Ok then.  Well, you haven’t got anything hanging over your licence, so that’s a good start.’ Said the officer.

‘What do you mean?’

‘You have no fines or outstanding warrants, unlike some of the people in the cars behind you…’ I flicked my eyes up to the mirror, and took in the stream of cars parked behind me.  ‘They’re in the same boat as you, M’aam.  They haven’t paid their rego either.’

‘You’re kidding…’ the overwhelming feeling that I was a criminal was only marginally diminished by that discovery.

‘So today M’aam, we’re going to fine you for driving an unregistered vehicle.’ He checked my licence details with me as he wrote out the fine. 

‘So what happens now?’ I asked.  ‘Can I drive home and pay my registration?  What do I do?’

‘If you drive off and have an accident, you’re not covered by TAC.  You can take that risk if you want to, but if you continue up the road and another enforcement vehicle pulls you over, they could fine you again, because you’re continuing to offend.’ He explained.

I thought to myself that, knowing my luck, he’ll radio ahead to another car and tell them I’m coming.  They’ll pull me over and slam me with another fine, just to teach me a lesson.  ‘Oh, okay.’

‘Realistically, I shouldn’t let you leave here without paying your registration.  Do you have a credit card on you?’

‘No…’ I didn’t have enough credit on my credit car to pay the rego. 

‘I do.’ Mum said, coming to the rescue.

‘Well, if you ring Vic Roads on this number-‘ he flipped over the back of my licence and showed me the number, ‘and pay your registration over the phone, they’ll give you a receipt number, and you’ll be free to go.’

‘Okay then.  I guess I’ll do that.’

‘When you’ve paid it, come and let me know.  I can’t let you leave until you do.’ He said, folding up my fine.  He handed it to me through the window.  ‘That’s the worst of it.’ he added, and was gone.

I sighed heavily as I unwrapped the little red and white present he’d just given me, and for the second time in about ten minutes, my heart literally stopped.

$611.

You’ve got to be fucken kidding me?  $611?  ‘Oh my God…’ I muttered, and instantly burst into tears, handing the fine to Mum.

‘Oh dear… they certainly know how to fine people, don’t they…’

As I sat back in my seat, the shock of the fine sinking in, I saw Charlie’s ute drive past  He was on his way to golf.  He was gonna kill me.

$611.  I instantly started thinking of all the things I could do with that much money.  Six pairs of jeans, another little trip to Canberra, 12 boxes of celebrity slim sachets, a full set of tyres for my car, the power bill, sleepers for the new garden beds, a shopping spree at City Chic; next years fucken registration.

$611.

Once the rego was paid, and I was ‘free to go’ (I felt like such a criminal), we were on our way, and I rang Charlie.  Don’t fret: I have a hands free thingy that goes through my car stereo.  At least they wouldn’t ping me for driving whilst on the phone.

‘How you goin’, sweetie?’ he asked, when he answered the phone.

‘Not so good.’

‘What’s happened?’

‘Well, apparently, I haven’t paid my registration.’

Silence on the other end of the phone; I could hear his mind ticking over.  ‘Did you get pulled over by the coppers in Heathcote?  Was that was the big road block was for?’

‘Yep.’

‘Hhahahhaaaa…’

‘Thanks for the sympathy.’ I muttered, a little surprised at his reaction.  Iris just laughed and snorted beside me, clamping her hand over her mouth.  Good one Mum.

‘How much did they sting you?’

‘Six hundred and eleven dollars.’

‘Fucken what?’

‘You heard.’

‘Six hundred and eleven dollars?  Know how to fine, don’t they?’

‘It would appear so.’

‘Well, I can pretend I’m really tough and cool now.’ He said, and I could hear him smiling.

‘How so?’

‘Well, I have a criminal for a wife now.  No one will mess with me.’

Iris and Jade burst out laughing, and I realised right then, that I was never gonna to hear the end of this.

Broke peace out.

PHOTO A DAY CHALLENGE: MY WEAKNESS

12TH FEBRUARY 2012: MY WEAKNESS

No surprise here, really.  Sadly, this is all I have in the house...