Kindness: is the act or the state of being kind,
being marked by good and charitable behaviour, pleasant disposition, and
concern for others.
Gratitude: is a feeling, emotion or attitude in acknowledgement
of a benefit that one has received or will receive.
Altruism: is a concern for the welfare of
others. Altruism is the opposite of
selfishness.
The
challenge: incorporate these things into your
daily life. Start a gratitude journal,
express thanks to others, set out to do random acts of kindness, look for a
volunteer role in your community, or buy nice cards and write a whole heap of
thank you letters – maybe start with your nearest and dearest, choose to be
kinder every day and let things go.
Mmmm…
what do I have to do to achieve this? Is
it much of a stretch from who I am already?
How I already behave?
Not
really, and I hope I don’t sound like a wanker when I say that. I don’t mean to come across arrogant; just
honest.
As
I read through the challenge information on the website (see the link at the
end of the blog), I had to smile at a few of the processes and ideas for
implementing kindness, gratitude and altruism into your life.
I
can see, buy the language that Deb (the creator) uses, that she and I have read
a few similar books, and follow a few similar philosophies. She suggests that you ‘give your partner acts of service’ without any expectations of
reciprocity. ‘Acts of service’ is
straight out of a book called The Five
Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. A
fabulous book on how to communicate with your loved one (see the link
below).
I
read this book quite a few years ago, and it has helped Charlie and me so
much. When I worked through it, I
explained it to Charlie, who to his credit was really receptive to the concepts
presented, and we were able to open up better pathways of communication.
Basically,
the book explains how we communicate with each another. There are five keys ways that we communicate
(I can’t remember them all right now), and the object is to determine which
‘language’ applies to your partner and yourself.
What
I mean by ‘language’, is the way in which you communicate with them, that makes them feel loved. The same
applies in reverse to you. Once you’ve
worked out what your ‘languages’ are, you can apply them more to help increase
your partners feeling of love (called ‘filling the love tank’). This often requires you to step out of your
comfort zone, be less selfish, and totally unconditional. It can be quite challenging in its
simplicity, for some.
Charlie’s
love language is ‘acts of service’. When
I do his washing, ironing, cook his meals, rub his feet, do the housework, take
care of little errands for him, he feels loved and special.
I
have two love languages, which is not uncommon.
Predominantly, it’s ‘quality time’.
I like to spend time ‘quality time’ with my hubby, something which he
finds a challenge, let me tell you. I
also have ‘gifts of appreciation’. Now,
this doesn’t say I expect to receive a new car every week. What it refers to is, I suppose, little gifts
of acknowledgement. For example, Charlie knew I was feeling a little down last
week, so he bought me a bunch of flowers.
A gift of appreciation, telling me he loves me and that he was thinking
of me. Made me feel quite special and
loved at a time when I was quite down.
So,
I do ‘acts of service’ for him anyway, but I’m sure I can amp it up. Increase my kindness and altruism, and maybe
give him the foot massage he needs, or make that scotch and coke for him when
he’s relaxing in front of ‘Married… with Children’ for the fifty billionth
friggin’ time.
Deb
also mentions about creating a daily gratitude ritual. Now, I found this particularly interesting,
because I already do a lot of what she suggested already, and before I go into
what I do, I’ll explain why.
Another
book I stumbled across a few years back (in 2004 when I had cancer) was ‘You Can Heal Your Life’, by Louise Hay
(again, see the link below). This book has,
without a doubt, changed my life.
I
have learnt not only a better understanding of my own personal behaviour (and
that of others), but to listen to what my body is telling me.
Throughout
this book, Louise Hay talks about gratitude, and being grateful for everything
we have, no matter how trivial or insignificant it may seem.
She
gives an example that has stuck in my mind for years. It suggests that instead of complaining when
we receive a telephone or power bill (though, lately it’s hard not to complain
about the power bill), be thankful that we have the means to pay for it. Be thankful that someone out there has given
you the credit that allows you to use their services before you’ve paid for it.
Switch
your thinking.
I’ve
blogged it before. We’re all
transmission towers. We send out signals
to the universe, and the universe hears them, and sends you exactly what you’re
asking for. If you send out negativity,
you receive it in return.
Switch
your thinking. Change the signal.
Easier
said than done, though.
However,
increasing the gratitude in your life is the perfect place to start. After reading this book, I decided to switch
my thinking, and express my gratefulness for a lot of small things.
Over
time, I found that this started to expand to other areas of my life. I felt that I was quite a harsh, gossipy and
judgemental person. I think this was
because I was coveting too much and feeling down because I ‘didn’t have’ what
others had.
Instead,
I focused on appreciating what I did have, and my entire outlook and attitude
changed.
I
became more appreciative of the smaller things, and less focused on the bigger
things. I became less materialistic, and
my values shifted to ‘experience’ rather than what I like to call plastic
gratification (satisfaction through materialism). Watching a movie and eating homemade popcorn
became more important that dining in a fabulous restaurant, or having to see the latest show or
concert.
I
became less judgemental of others, and acknowledged that every person has a
story, and those stories create the people we know and meet today. I learnt that if you understand these
stories, you understand the person. That
alone can make you more tolerable.
I
also became much more understanding and supportive of other people as
well. Instead of being jealous that my
sister-in-law has just bought a brand new Mercedes 4WD, I’m proud of her,
because I know how hard she’s worked to get it.
She totally deserves the benefits of her hard earned success.
I
am of course human, and I can still get dragged into the bullshit on
occasion. However, I try to stick with
my core values, and assume nothing and be impeccable with my word.
And
I try to find the positive in everything, and not dwell on the negative. However, sometimes, that’s hard.
So,
every day, I get out of bed, and I express my gratitude for simply waking up to
another day. For having a comfortable
bed. For having a tv in my bedroom which allows me to watch The Today Show whilst I’m getting ready
for work. For having a spacious
shower. For having the money to buy my
proactive beauty products. For having a selection of clothes to wear to work.
For having a job that earns me money to pay for all of these things. For having a nice car and fuel in it to get
to work. For having money to pay for a gym membership, so I can work on my
health. And so it goes on…
I’ve
done it so much over the years, that it’s an unconscious thing now. It’s a quiet, mental dialog running through
my second mind whilst I go about my business.
It’s real and it’s honest. And,
it works.
It’s
also taught me to slow down; one of the things that this challenge suggests you
do.
I
let people in line ahead of me at the supermarket if they only have a couple of
items, and I have a trolley full. What’s
a couple of extra minutes going to cost me?
Plus, their appreciation is my reward.
You never know, they may pay it forward.
I
let people into the line of traffic ahead of me, because I know the pain of not
being able to get through the peak hour traffic because people cut you off or
won’t let you in, because they just can’t bear the thought of being an entire
car space behind. It’s one car space;
who cares? However, I do get shitty when
they don’t give a thank you wave… I am only human, after all.
So,
as I read through the brief for this challenge, I could see a lot of things
that I’d already implemented. I can also
see a lot of areas that I can expand in, too.
For
example; give thanks to family and friends that I appreciate. That’s one I’m going to jump on. I don’t let me friends and family know that I
love them and appreciate them often enough.
This
morning, I sent a text to a couple of friends that are helping me with
something at the moment. I told them I
love them and that I value their friendship.
One of them, in typical fashion, sent back ‘any time’ and a string of
insults that I best not put on here. That’s
our relationship though; engaging insults.
So,
I think I will buy some cards and send notes out, like Deb suggests. I will openly express my appreciation to
people more. I will increase the acts of
service for my husband (until he pisses me off), which I’m sure he’ll hate.
I’m
already volunteering for a local charity (CWA); that kind of thing comes
naturally for me. It’s very satisfying
to work for a cause that’s bigger than yourself, without the expectation of
anything in return. If you don’t already
do this, consider it. It’s most
rewarding.
Most
importantly, I will increase the gratitude and positivity that I extend to
myself. Instead of putting myself down
or overly criticising, I will try to be kinder to me.
Peace
(and love) out.
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