TWO WHITE LINES

How fucken hard is it to park in between two white fucken lines?

Seriously?

The number of times I go to a friggin supermarket or shopping centre car park, and some numb-nut has parked either right on one of the white lines or over it, and you can’t get your car in there, I’ve lost count of!

Am I alone here?  How fucken hard can it be?

I can do it.

Charlie, who parks like a retard, can do it.

Iris can do it, and she’s old and has a disability sticker.  Wtf?

Why can’t everyone?  Jebus really!

The other evening, I was driving through the very cramped car park in front of the Romsey IGA, and every time I think ‘ooohhh… there’s one!’ I realise that some dick has parked over the line!

And you know what else I noticed?  They were all friggin 4wd’s. 

You know how much I dislike non-country people and their 4wd’s.  Half of Romsey are try-hard wankers that live there because they like to say ‘I live in the country’, and drive brand new, shiny 4wd’s that never see any off-road action.

Spankers.

Spankers that clearly can’t park their shiny, un-dirty 4wd’s.

Four car parks the other day!  Four!  That’s how many spankers had fucked up one of the most basic of driving skills.  Four!

I drive an i30, for fucks sake!  I couldn’t squeeze her into those spaces even if I tried! I mean, I have to allow about twenty foot on the drivers side so I can squeeze my fat arse out of the car as it is, but really!

I would so love to scrape the sides of their car with mine, just to piss them off, but apart from the fact that it would fuck my insurance up, recent events have shown that the poor old i30 cannot take a punch (the flying rubber incident).

So why risk it.

I don’t know how pissed off you get with dumbarse parking, but I get really, really pissy about it.

My fave piss off, apart from those fucken parents-with-prams spaces (don’t get me going on that), is when an able-bodied person takes a disabled space.  Fuck that shits me.

Years ago, I nearly had a punch on with a dude at a shopping centre in Tarneit, because he pulled his shiny, flashy, hotted up ute into a disabled space right near the door, climbed out and strutted into the centre.  Big wanker he was.

I naturally pointed out the error of his ways, but he didn’t care.  However, he did care when I told security, and he was very impolitely told to move his fucken car.

How selfish do you have to be to do that?

And how selfish do you have to be to take up two fucken car spaces in a car park?  I mean… there’s nothing wrong with having a second bite if you pull in crooked or too far over, is there?  Just fucken get it right and think of everyone else, you selfish pricks.

I wish I had a series of big stickers that I could stick on these wankers cars, right on their windscreen, in the middle of the line of vision, that said ‘I’m a dickhead who can’t park properly’, or ‘I’m a selfish twat that takes the car spaces of disabled people’, or ‘I’m a wanker that thinks that because I live in the country, I must have this ridiculously shiny 4wd that will never see a shred of dirty in it’s entire life in my possession’.

Fuckers.

Learn to park!

Peace out.