So, it’s been a few weeks since Jade’s gone, and quite a
few people have asked me what life is like post-Jade.
I guess, at this early stage, it’s still too hard to
tell. At this time, she’s normally on
holidays in Queensland
However, I think when school starts back, the reality of
her absence will really hit home.
At the moment, however, Charlie and I are discovering a
few new things, not only about our lives, but each other.
It seems that we’ve discovered…freedom. Freedom from deadlines, pick ups, school
drops offs and pick ups and the like.
The rush and tear of school is…gone.
This is normal for school holidays, I know… but this is
difference. There is a definite sense of
permanency to it.
In the past, we’ve had to leave home at a certain time in
the morning (a majority of this time spent enduring countless eye rolling and
mouthy attitude), to get to a bus stop at a certain time, so I can get to work
on time. It was such a stressful start
to the day, because I’d spend a majority of it panicking that Jade wouldn’t be
ready, or have one of her ‘teenage moments’ when she decided to shove her head
up her arse and think of no one but herself, and fuck the consequences, which were
invariably making me late for work.
Now, I leave an hour earlier for work, and go to the gym
on the way, and leave the gym with plenty of time to get to work. I pack an awesome breakfast and lunch for
myself… floating around the house getting myself ready to roll, conversing with
my beloved Charlie-Albert as I do so. There are no stresses, no fuss. It just flows.
In the evenings, Charlie would stress about getting to
Jade on time, so she didn’t overstay her welcome at her Aunt’s place. He would leave work stressed about not having
enough time at the gym to get to her, and cut his workouts short so he could
pick her up on time.
He was then stressed on the way home, because he had
things to do and would rush through them, simply because he was in a stressed
and rushed mood.
You can imagine what me
stressed in the morning was like, and him
stressed at night was like; quite conflicting for both of us. Something that Jade was fully aware of, but
didn’t really care about, because conflict was a comfort to her.
This was parenthood as we knew it.
Not that we ever really complained or knew anything different. Drop offs and picks ups were normal for us, as they are for every parent out there. We’re not different to anyone else.
It’s just that now Jade’s gone, the peace is quite
shocking. The silence is deafening, as
they say. J
However, the other thing that I’ve noticed, is the
gap. The gap between Charlie and myself.
I think we’ve spent eleven years battling to teach a child
to deal with the hand that’s been dealt her, and handle the issues she carries,
that we’ve forgotten each other.
We’ve clung to one another through these challenging years
like a survivor clings to a life buoy in a storm, and we’ve just let the waves
carry us gently away. Away from one
another.
I’ve said to my friends that I know this year will be a
time for Charlie and I to reconnect, but I didn’t realise how fucken right I
was.
That is our mission this year; to start again.
I said to him this evening that it’s like we’re dating
again. Spending quality time together,
prioritising each other (cos now all we’ve got is each other) and nurturing our
relationship.
I wonder if me pulling a splinter out of Charlie’s foot
tonight is classed as ‘nurturing our relationship’? J
Anyway, work on our relationship we must.
Our relationship is like a car; it will take us
anywhere. However, if we don’t maintain
it, it will simply stop working.
Ha! It’s like we’ve done everything arse about.
You see, a couple meet, start a relationship, maybe move
in together, get married, have kids, fuck the kids off when their adults, and
enjoy their twilights years together in their empty nest.
Charlie and I met, already had the kid, moved in together
and became an instant family, got married (much to Charlie’s horror), and now
have an empty nest when we’re still quite young really. Except Charlie. He’s an old fart (46) J
All over the place.
So this year, Charlie and I are the priorities. It’s time to reconnect. We’ve focused on other things, and forgotten
ourselves, so it’s time for a change.
2013 will be the year of living our dreams.
Finding our happy.
Closing the gap.
Peace out.
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