PEAK HOUR FLAT PART II

Tuesday 28^th August 2012: 4.41pm – Tullamarine Freeway, Bulla Road exit

‘RACV.  How can I help you today.’ A kindly voice greets me and my still hammering heart.  I watch the rear-view mirror nervously.

‘I have a flat tyre.’ I simply say.  ‘Can someone come and change it for me?’ Can someone come and rescue me?

‘Oh, that’s no good!  Where are you?’

‘Tulla Freeway, just near the Bulla Road off-ramp.  Airport bound.’

‘Oh no… of all places love…’ he says sympathetically.  He sounds older than me, and clearly feels sorry for me.  Dish out the sympathy mate, cos I’ll take it.  ‘Do you have your membership number or registration number?’  I rattle off my rego.  ‘Just a moment whilst I bring up your details…’ and I hear him clicking away.

My hearts still hammering and my car’s still rocking as that traffic bears down on me.  How the hell are they going to change my tyre here, and how the hell am I going to merge back into this stream?

‘So, we have a little red Yaris?’

‘No.  It’s a blue Hyundai i30.  I’ve actually rung up and changed the details with you… I don’t know why you would still have the Yaris in your system…’

‘Mmm… that’s odd.’ He agrees.  ‘Not to worry.  We’ll change it now.  It won’t affect anything, Mrs Buttler.’

‘Cool.’  Thank fuck.  I couldn’t handle them telling me ‘you’re fucked because you’ve got a blue car, not a red one.  Change your own fucken tyre.’

‘So, you’re near the Bulla on ramp, you say?’

‘Yep.  Right next to it.’

‘You’re just off Citylink then….’

‘That would be right.’

‘Did you know that Citylink will come out and change the tyre for you, free of charge?’

‘No… I didn’t know that…’ Fuck.  Do I have to ring them now?

‘Yes.’ He says happily.  ‘It’s a part of the tolls that you pay.  If there is a break down, they like to get out there as quickly as possible to move you on so you don’t hold up the traffic.’

‘Makes perfect sense to me…’

‘If you hang on a moment, Lee, I’ll ring them for you.  Sometimes, they will get to you a lot quicker than we can…’

‘Okay then.’ And I relax back into my seat, the hold music a dull noise as I watch the cars in the rear view… they just keep coming and coming… I sigh as I accept that I may not actually get to my osteo appointment on time to night… fuck it… I’m not calling my buddy Bek, who works at the osteo, just yet to tell her I’ll be late…

‘Are you there Lee?’ my RACV buddies voice breaks through my thoughts.

‘Yep.’

‘Well, Citylink have found you on their cameras.  They can see you in the right hand emergency lane, and it’s your back right tyre that’s flat.’

‘Holy crap! They can see that?’

‘They certainly can.’ I can hear the smile in his voice.  ‘They said you had a sticker on your back window; top right corner?’  An image of my Hello Kitty sticker pops into my head. 

‘That’s right…’

‘Yep. They have really good vision with their cameras.  A Citylink breakdown vehicle will be with you very shortly.’

‘Really?  Define ‘shortly’.’

‘He said no more than five minutes.’

‘Really?’ this sounds promising!  Might get to my osteo appointment on time after all…

‘Yeah.  Like I said before; they’re often a lot quicker getting to you than we are.’

‘Awesome!  So, do I need to do anything else, or just wait?’

‘No.  Just wait there for him, Lee.  If you have any problems, or if he doesn’t come, please give us a call back.’

‘No worries.  Shall do.’

Tuesday 28^th August 2012: 4.48pm – Tullamarine Freeway, Bulla Road exit

I wonder how long this dude is going to take, I think to myself as I watch the traffic disappear around the bend ahead of me, toward Essendon Fields.  How the hell is he going to change the tyre?

I glance up in the rear view, and nearly leap out of my seat: the Citylink van is pulling up behind me.  Holy shit: he was quick.

I squeeze my arse out of the car again, and near plaster myself to the concrete barriers, as far away from the traffic as I can be, as I make my way toward my night in shining armour.  Well, a Citylink uniform, anyway.

‘How are you going there love?’ he asks in a friendly tone.

‘To be honest, I’m absolutely shitting myself.’ I admit.  I’m not too proud… ‘This traffic is frightening… it’s going so fast!’

‘Yep.  It’s scary when you’re in a tight spot like this.’ I realise suddenly, that we actually have to shout at each other to be heard over the roar of the traffic.  I never realised how loud eight lanes of peak hour traffic could be!

‘What I might get you to do love, is limp your car a couple a hundred meters down the road there-‘ he points to a section of the freeway a little ahead of me that distinctly wider than where I am now.  ‘It’s wider, and I will be able to change the tyre there.  I can’t change it here.’

‘God no!’ I agree.  ‘There’s no room here at all!’

‘For sure.’ He nods.  ‘Look; just travel really slowly.  We’re in no hurry.’ He says, holding his hands up as he explains.  ‘If you take it nice and easy, you won’t damage the wheel or anything, and I’ll be right behind you.  Just park a little further down to give me some room to get in behind you.’

‘No worries…’ I nod, hoping to fuck I don’t get cleaned up by the lunatics flying past me. 

I scramble back into the car, kick her back into life, and push her along at about 10 kmph, with my knight-in-Citylink-uniform right behind me.