WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO WARNIE?

What the hell has happened to Warnie?

Where the hell has my podgy, peroxided ocker gone?

Who the hell is this slim, trim, stylish man they are calling Warnie?

Correction; calling Shane.

Wtf?

I want the old Warnie back!

I want the drinking, smoking, taking-my-mum’s tablets, adulterous, prancing around in my undies in a hotel room with two hot chicks, inappropriate texting, spin bowling champion back.

I love Warnie, and not for his spin bowling.  He was pure entertainment, and I loved him.  He was an Aussie bloke stuffing up all over the globe, and now he’s gone.

I’m gutted.

And it’s all that Liz Hurley’s fault.  She’s changed my Warnie.  Changed him into a man I do not recognise.  How am I supposed to take his cricket commentary seriously now?

He’s a fantastic commentator!  He made the ashes interesting (and that’s saying a lot).  Now, I can’t hear his voice without seeing this remodelled version of Warnie, and getting depressed.  It’s all ruined!

Friggin Liz Hurley.  If I didn’t love her too, I would be pissed right off. 

I mean, I’m sure the new diet and exercise regime is doing wonders for Warnie’s health, and he’ll be around a lot longer than he possibly would have been, before she stepped in.  However, he’s over tanned (or is it just the ridiculously over white teeth that make him look that way), with boring hair and a skinny frame with funky clothes.  I think I even saw him with a fucken man bag, for god’s sake!

HTFU Warnie!  Stop being this….thing, and go back to the way you were! You showed the world that a slightly overweight ocker could be a sporting champion of the world!  You gave every man out there hope that they could achieve anything!

You can’t do that now.  You’re so thin you’ll snap in half!  What message is that sending to the men of Australia, Warnie?  You have a responsibility here.  Get your shit together man, for God’s sake!  The men of Australia need you!

I want my old Warnie back.

Peace out.