NEV

So, it’s been three years since Nev passed over.

Three years has flown, and I find I’m shocked at how much life does really carry on.

The Wheel of Time just doesn’t stop turning, and you can either fight it or roll with it.

It’s a natural progression.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him at least a million times a day.  He’s never far from my thoughts, and I often wonder what he’s doing.

This year, his memorial garden was absolutely stunning.  It’s taken a while to get there, but fuck me; it looked fantastic this year.  Just beautiful.

I think he would have liked it.

I know Mum misses him terribly.  I fear she’s lonely, but she doesn’t say so. 

She talks of him often: his memory is something openly discussed, not hidden in fear of pain or sadness.  It’s celebrated.

A good friend of mine lost her father unexpectedly through the year, and my heart bled for her.  I truly understood how she felt, because no one really understands loss until they lose a parent.

I’ve lost many relatives and a few friends over the years, but nothing hits as hard as a parents passing, which I guess is understandable.

I still have photo’s of him around my house.  I still visit his garden and talk to him.  The cats still sleep under the roses or next to his plaque, particularly Forrest.  She likes it in Nev’s garden.

Charlie still bounces around saying ‘Nev and I have been working on this in the shed…’ referring to him using the tools that Dad left him.  It’s sweet.

I came home one day from fuck knows where, and I was stunned to find Charlie in the shed, music blaring, him singing along horrendously to it, whilst working on something at his bench.

Just like Nev would have.

I thought I’d gone back twenty years to Suzanne Street, Dandenong.  All that was needed was an old car and a few other blokes standing around banging on about bullshit whilst nursing a cuppa and enjoying some of Iris’ cakes.

People say the pain of a loved one passing eases, and it does.  It get’s easier to manage.  The pain of loss is not as acute. 

But it’s still there; ever present.

I often wonder what Nev would be thinking if he looked down on my life as it is.  Would he be proud?  Would he be disappointed?  Would he be happy with Mum’s situation?  Happy that she’s closer to Charlie and I?  Happy that Charlie fusses after her and does things for her, just like he use to? 

God he loved Charlie so much.  I know Charlie misses him terribly.  They were so close.  Robbed they were.  Robbed of time together.  Eight years wasn’t enough.

So, as Christmas rolls around, I think of Nev, and the good times we should be having now.  I wonder if he was still here, would Jade still want to go North?  They were also so terribly close… I wonder what he would think of this entire situation?

*sigh

Time moves on, but the memories don’t.  I cling to those memories of Dad during times of happiness and sorrow. 

I love my Dad.

RIP Nev.  I’m thinking of you.

Peace out.