THE PEOPLE YOU MEET...

I’m a firm believer that people come into your life for a reason.

They have a ‘gift’ for you; a life lesson, if you will, and you obtain this gift through your relationship with them.  Negative or positive; you get something out of everyone you meet.

Like, I have friends that you would think unlikely for me, but they have given me the gift of confidence within myself.

I also have friends that constantly test that confidence, and rattle my foundations.  This succeeds in only making me stronger.  I hope J

Sometimes though, you meet someone that just smacks you in the face with reality, and makes you realise that life ain’t as bad as you think.  There’s always someone out there to unintentionally pull your head out of your arse and make you harden the fuck up.

Such is the case of a lady that I’ve come to know over the past few months.  I won’t mention her name, or how I’ve come to know her, because I don’t want to embarrass her.  She doesn’t carry her life story like a placard above her head.  In fact, if you were to meet her, you would just think she’s the loveliest, happiest person around. 

That is the gift she got from one of her life lessons.

You see, we had occasion to really chat the other day, and me being the person I am, like to learn the stories of the people around me.  I think people’s histories are interesting; it’s their making.  Good or bad, it’s what’s moulded them into the people we know today.

So, my new friend has started a relationship with a new fella.  I had the chance to meet him, and he seemed like a nice bloke.

Anyway, she was telling me that she was taking it really slowly with this bloke, because several years ago, she’d come out of a very bad relationship.

‘What happened in that relationship that was so bad, if you don’t mind me asking?’ I enquired. 

‘Well,’ she sighed heavily.  ‘My partner was an abusive drunk.’

‘Oh no…’

‘Lee… he used to beat me on a regular basis.’

‘You’re fucken joking?’ 

I still don’t understand how men can beat women. And I shouoldn’t be sexist, because not all abusers are men. 

I just, honestly, don’t understand how anyone can hurt another person like that.  I can’t get my head around the notion that someone would have such a gross lack of respect for another human being, and that violence toward them is justified in their minds.  I just don’t get it.

‘No…’ she smiled.  ‘I wish I was.’

‘Were you with him for a long time?’

‘A very, very long time.’

‘Why?  Why did you stay?’

‘Well… I suppose it’s the old adage that I had nowhere else to go, and stupidly, I loved him.’

‘Fuck me, mate…’

She laughed.  ‘I know.  It was stupid…’

‘No… stupid’s not the right word.  I believe we attract what we need at that certain point in time, you know?  Maybe you attracted someone like this for a reason?  As air-fairy as it sounds, I believe we choose a path to travel, and attract people to travel with us, to help our soul grow.’

‘I understand what you’re saying.’

‘Maybe that was a part of your life lesson?  To learn that’s not how you want to be treated, and that you’re better than that?’

‘I would agree with that, because when I look back, I know that I’m better than that.  I’m a better person that he could ever be, and I didn’t deserve what he did to me, and he’s nothing but a dog.  I know now, that I deserve better.’

I smiled.  ‘What did he do to you?’

‘Well, he used to beat me.’ She explained.  ‘I’ve had eight broken ribs in total; a couple of the same ones twice; a fractured eye socket… a broken bone in my hand…bruises all over me where he  grabbed me…’

‘Holy shit mate…’ my heart just clenched for my new friend.  I couldn’t believe she was sitting there calmly telling me this… any physical evidence of her suffering long gone…

‘But that’s not the worst of it…’

‘It get’s worse?’ how could it possibly?

‘He pushed me down a flight of stairs once…’

‘Oh my God…’

‘When I was eight months pregnant… with twin boys…’

Oh my fucking God no.  No… surely not… surely not… my eyes started to well with tears…

‘It’s funny…’ she mused quietly… ‘That day, when he pushed me, there were two young men at the bottom of the stairs… I actually landed on one of them.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah.  He saw it happen.  He stepped up to grab me, and he caught me from behind, wrapped his arms around me, and fell backward with me, and I landed on top of him.  He cushioned my fall… he didn’t want me to hit the concrete…’

‘Oh my God…’  please don’t say what I think you’re going to say.

‘I knew I was in trouble.’ She shrugged.  ‘I… I started bleeding.  And you know what?  That young man never let me go… he just held on to me, his hands on my tummy like he could stop it all… and his friend called an ambulance and just held my hand.’

I was stupefied… and it took me a moment to realise that tears were rolling down my cheeks. 

She just smiled at me.  ‘Don’t cry love… I’ve dealt with it…’

‘It’s just horrible… horrible…’ I shook my head, holding her hand.

‘It was, I’ll admit, and awful, awful time in my life.’

‘What happened?’

‘Well, the two young men rode in the ambulance with me to the hospital.  My fucken dog of a partner just took off, like the coward he is.  He knew he’d gone too far this time, and took off.’

‘Fucken coward.’ I said through gritted teeth.

She nodded.  ‘Indeed he was.’

‘And your babies?’ please don’t…. please don’t…. but I’ve got to know, because I’ve never heard mention of any children…

She smiled proudly.  ‘I gave birth to my beautiful boys… I hugged and kissed them… then I buried them.’

I lost my shit.  Oh darlin…no…

‘The nurses let me hold them for a while, but I had to let them go.’

‘What were their names?’

‘Matthew and Nicolas.’  She smiled proudly.  ‘My beautiful boys.’ 

I lost my shit again.  Fuck me, why?  Why would someone do that to another human being? WHY?

I sat there with her, sooking like the bitch I am, and she just smiled at me.  ‘You know… that day changed my life…’

‘It fucken would…’

‘And you know, to this day, those two young men ring me on the 17^th of April every year.  Every year, to see how I’m going.’

‘You’re kidding?’

‘Nope.’  She smiled proudly again.  ‘Every year, and you know what?  Those two young men became coppers because of it.  It completely changed their lives too, and they’re now police officers.’

‘Oh wow… how long has it been?’

‘My boys would have been eighteen this year.’

FUCK! Eighteen!  They would have been men now!

‘I often think about it, and as funny as it sounds, I think that I’m glad they didn’t come into this world.’

‘Really?  Why?’

‘Well, what type of life would they have had with a father like that?  What would they have become seeing their only male influence treating women the way he did?  What would he have done to them?’

‘True.’ I mused.  She had a point.  ‘

‘I could have had eighteen years of having to deal with him.  Even if I plucked up the courage to leave, he would have still had a hold of my boys.’

‘That’s true.’

‘And because they’ve gone, I don’t have to.  I was able to walk away, and never see him again.  My children gave me that gift.’

And there it was.  The gift.  The gift of freedom; given to her by a couple of stillborn babies.  How tragic.

‘So, after that, you left him?’

‘Would you believe I took him back?’

‘What the fuck?’ I cried.

‘I know! I know!’ she laughed, holding up her hands in surrender.  ‘Everyone thought I was mad, and they were right.  I remember the local copper saying to me at the time, that when I was ready, come and see him.  Only when I was ready though.  He told me I was mad too.’

‘You were!’ I smiled.

She just laughed.  ‘I know, I remember walking into the Kilmore Police Station when I’d had enough, and I walked up to the counter, and said to the copper on duty that ‘I’m here to see-‘ and that’s as far as I got.  The side door behind the counter opened, and the copper I knew from years ago said ‘well it’s about time! Come through love, and let’s get this monster out of your life forever.’

‘Wow…’

‘So now I’m free.  I started my life again, and I’m happy.  I think of my boys all the time, and I enjoy my job and my friends.’

‘And you now know that you can never go back to that shit again.’

‘Indeed.  Now I know I’m better than that, and deserve much more.  It’s up to me to make myself happy now.  I can’t rely on anyone else to do it.  It’s all about me.’

After hearing my friend’s story, and as I said before; sometimes things just happen to slap you back to reality. 

We whinge and bitch about the most trivial of things at times, but there are people out there that are suffering much more than we are.

My heart broke for my friend, but she doesn’t need my sympathy.  She said ‘don’t shed any tears for me.  It’s in the past, and I’ve grown from it.’

However, as a person that can’t have children, my heart breaks because that was possibly her only chance to have babies, and she lost it because of the actions of a selfish, cruel man.

I asked her ‘was he ever charged for it, because to me, it’s fucken murder.’ But we were interrupted, and I never got the answer.  Considering she took him back. I’d say that he wasn’t.

The things we tolerate for love.

I tell you; after reading this blog, I want you to sit back and have a look at you life, and the partner you have in it.  If you partner is nothing like this arsehat, then you’re doin’ okay I reckon.

I know I am one lucky woman.

Peace out.